“I’m shy,” Adi* told me the first time we met. “I have some good women friends, but I’d really like to be in a committed romantic relationship. But you can’t start a romantic relationship if you’re too shy to talk to people. And that’s the problem.”

I asked Adi if she could tell me more about what she meant when she said she was too shy to talk to people. “I freeze up,” she said. “Especially around guys. I know that one of the tricks to getting to know someone is to ask them about themselves. My mom has been drilling that into my head since I was a little girl. But I always have lots of questions until I’m actually with someone—and that can be a man or a woman—I don’t know; then I can’t remember any of them. And it doesn’t help when people tell me to just be myself. I’m shy. If they ask me a question about myself I’m sunk. I can’t think of anything, and I end up sounding stupid.”

No matter how smart you are, feeling shy around others can make you feel stupid in social situations.

Awkward, uncomfortable, tongue-tied—these are all words that I have heard clients use to describe themselves in those painful moments when they don’t have an answer or an appropriate comment. But just what is shyness about? And is it something you can overcome?

In her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, author Susan Cain says that introversion, along with sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness, are “cousins.” Shyness, according to the online dictionary, is “being reserved or having or showing nervousness of timidity in the company of other people.”

If you’re shy, you might feel nervous about talking, worried about embarrassing yourself, or ashamed of your difficulties—sometimes all at the same time and especially when you are interested in someone as a potential romantic partner.

But none of this means that you can’t, as a shy person, meet the love of your life or have a fulfilling social life or job.

The following techniques can help you manage any social situation more comfortably. You may already be using some of them without realizing it, so the suggestions will help you do what you're already doing, but more often and more easily. You might never become super-social or extroverted, but you can become less anxious about socializing. As a result, you will be more yourself around other people, even people you don’t know. And being yourself is one of the keys to making friends and finding a meaningful relationship.

There is no perfect path to finding your perfect mate. But the more small moments of connection you have with different people, the more comfortable you will become with them. And although it might proceed more slowly than you'd like, the process of getting to know someone and having them get to know you is what will eventually allow the right relationship to grow.

*all names and identifying material changed to protect privacy