What if I don’t really like my elder?
Oh boy, this one is tough.
Any person may refuse help. They may be irresponsible about their medications and blow off their appointments. They may try to sabotage the help you give another loved one for whatever convoluted reasons. They may not grasp reality. It sounds absurd, but anything can happen. And it does.
I’m not talking about that stuff. I’m talking about what to do if you don’t actually like your person—maybe you love them, maybe you don’t, but you definitely don’t like them and you don’t like to be around them.
You don’t have to look hard to find people who had bad experiences in childhood. They were emotionally abused, physically abused, gaslighted, neglected, mocked, insulted, and more. These people have every right to walk away from their parent.
Yet, that is not the only potential response to the situation.
It is a conundrum. If a child, who is now a hurting adult, does not help their parent, who will? Is there anyone else or is there just a downward spiral into chaos?
The impact of a spiral is real. It can result in sudden death. It can cause the death of others in a car accident. It can invite judgment from others who do not understand the history of the relationship or who believe that children should sacrifice for their parents no matter how they were and are treated.
A therapist is surely better equipped to advise on this, so I do encourage you to explore it with a professional if that is an option.
In any case, you may want to evaluate the situation from a few angles:
It’s altogether possible that you don’t even need to assess the situation this thoroughly because you already know that you won’t walk away from the situation no matter the nature of the relationship. In that case, the questions are more about self-care while you do it.
Or maybe you already know that it is simply unimaginable to do it. And that is also legitimate.
There's nothing peppy about this topic. You’re the only person who knows what you can do. Or can't.
To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
Questions for Emotionally Complicated Caregiving
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13.05.2024
What if I don’t really like my elder?
Oh boy, this one is tough.
Any person may refuse help. They may be irresponsible about their medications and blow off their appointments. They may try to sabotage the help you give another loved one for whatever convoluted reasons. They may not grasp reality. It sounds absurd, but anything can happen. And it does.
I’m not talking about that stuff. I’m talking about what to do if you don’t actually like your person—maybe you love them, maybe you don’t, but you definitely don’t........
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