Offender: Mission

Every one of us has been an email chain which is borderline unintelligible for the amount of corporate lingo thrown in there. At City A.M., we’re taking a stand and calling out the worst jargon which travels around the City faster than you can drink an overpriced pint. This week: mission.

What does it mean?

A mission refers to an important assignment, something with a meaningful purpose to get you jumping out of bed in the morning. In the world of business, this is often sold to you within a “mission statement”, which looks to clear up common misconceptions about the purpose of companies.

Say you work for Ikea, for example, you may have presumed your goal was to sell more flatpack furniture, when actually it’s to “create a better everyday life for the many”. Likewise if your conception of Shein was as a profit-driven fast fashion machine relying on the exploitation of garment workers, it’s time to check your privilege and read up on their mission, which is actually to make “the beauty of fashion accessible to everyone, not just the privileged few”.

Who uses it?

Frustrated adventure-seekers who have convinced themselves the thrills of the 9-5 aren’t so different from those of MI5 if you think about it. The adrenalin of a high speed car chase? Try the email chase. The glamour of speaking in code? Try deciphering their ESG–GFC-Q3 roundup. The high stakes of handling sensitive material? Send the new starter’s password via a self-destructive note on Google Chat and see if you don’t get a buzz. Life is what you make of it and these office-slinking 007s learned all about it in therapy.

What could it be confused with?

Spreading the word of God
Landing on the moon
CEOs having a conscience

Should we be worried?

Undoubtedly. Missions are for the noble and sexy (James Bond, Neil Armstrong, City A.M.), not Ian from insurance.

How do we get rid of it?

Alexa, play the Mission Impossible theme tune. Here at City A.M., London’s premier freesheet, we’re on a mission of real value: to rid the world of corporate jargon and create a utopia of plain-speaking corporatons. If selling insurance isn’t setting your heart alight, join us to lead a life with purpose. Together, we are stronger.

Corporate ick rating: 8/10