Americans fought a whole war partly so they wouldn’t have to pay attention to Britain’s royal family. Yet, here we are: Kate Middleton (sort of) went missing, and if you want to make small talk you need to have a working knowledge of Photoshop tools, something called BBL surgery, and how to pronounce “the Marchioness of Cholmondeley.”
Don’t worry: I can fill you in on everything you need to know to follow the latest royal drama. My qualifications: I’ve been consuming royal gossip since I was a toddler, I’ve read Prince Harry’s Spare from cover to cover, and as far as I know I’m the only American who’s ever spotted the future queen consort in a passing carriage and exclaimed, “Oh my god, it’s Camilla!”
So let’s keep calm and carry on with the latest updates on the princess’s whereabouts, plus backstories on all the relevant players. We’ll have you posting Kate Middleton memes and cooking up your own unhinged conspiracy theories in no time!
We have no idea. On January 17, 2024, Kensington Palace announced that the 42-year-old Princess of Wales had undergone a “planned abdominal surgery” at The London Clinic the previous day.
A post shared by The Prince and Princess of Wales (@princeandprincessofwales)
For nearly 15 years, Kate Middleton has been one of the most popular and high-profile royals. So it’s weird that she suddenly retreated from the public eye for three months, especially since she had appeared healthy and didn’t give much detail on her condition. Imagine if the Trump administration had said Ivanka was being hospitalized for two weeks, wouldn’t describe her illness, then offered no photos or health updates for three months. We’d have some questions!
The story only exploded internationally due to a mix of bad luck and extraordinarily awful PR. Three events pushed the story into the mainstream:
• On January 17, a day after Middleton’s announcement, Buckingham Palace said King Charles would be treated for an enlarged prostate at the same hospital where Kate was recovering from surgery. On February 5, the Palace revealed Charles had been diagnosed with an unspecified cancer.
• On February 27, Prince William abruptly canceled an appearance at a memorial service for his godfather, the late King Constantine of Greece, due to “a personal matter,” raising concerns about his wife’s condition.
• On March 10, Kensington Palace tried to reassure the public by posting a horribly edited photo of Kate with her children on Instagram. This backfired spectacularly, and Kate herself took the blame for this “experiment with editing” the following day.
Days after Prince William pulled out of his godfather’s memorial, Kensington Palace spokespeople gave similar statements to multiple outlets saying Kate was still “doing well” — but advised that more information might not be forthcoming soon.
“We gave guidance two days ago that the Princess of Wales continues to be doing well,” the Palace told ET on February 29. “As we have been clear since our initial statement in January, we shall not be providing a running commentary or providing daily updates.”
On the one hand, no: Kensington Palace said in January that she was “unlikely to return to public duties until after Easter.” So she was supposed to be home recovering until at least March 31.
On the other hand, sort of! The last time she appeared at a public event was Christmas Day 2023, weeks before the reported date of her surgery, and Kensington Palace sure is acting weird.
Yes. Though hardcore Kate Truthers do not trust these images, she has been seen three times since her surgery.
• On March 4, TMZ published a single paparazzi photo of Kate in a car with her mother near Windsor Castle. Carole Middleton was driving the black Audi SUV and Kate was in the passenger seat. Some people didn’t believe it was her because she was wearing giant sunglasses and the photo was grainy.
• On March 11, hours after Kate took blame for the altered photo debacle, other paparazzi captured a single photo of the princess riding in a car with William. People didn’t believe it was her because she was looking away from the camera.
Kate is pictured leaving Windsor Castle in car with William as she heads for 'private appointment' - while Prince makes his way to Commonwealth Service at Westminster Abbey https://t.co/AvKwpGbyMK pic.twitter.com/2haLXHkHJc
• On March 17, The Sun reported that Kate had been spotted shopping with William at Windsor Farm Shop. There was widespread doubt about this story because the paper’s original report contained no photographic evidence or even named sources. In the following days, The Sun published a brief video of Kate and William, as well as an interview with the man who took it. Some people don’t believe it was her, partly because they’re too far down the rabbit hole, and partly because the royals did just admit to sharing a heavily manipulated image.
WORLD EXCLUSIVE: Princess Kate seen on video for the first time since surgery looking happy and relaxed on shopping trip with William. She's looking great! This should shut the trolls up! pic.twitter.com/k2bD4LuHuI
In a very ill-conceived effort to assure the public that Kate is just fine, Kensington Palace posted this image on March 10, which is Mother’s Day in the U.K.
A post shared by The Prince and Princess of Wales (@princeandprincessofwales)
People immediately noticed that the image is filled with Photoshop weirdness; for example Charlotte’s skirt and sleeve don’t line up, Kate’s hair is blurred, and there’s a jagged edge in the trim by Louis’s knee. There’s no official consensus on what was altered, but outlets counted as many as 18 errors.
Within hours, several major photo agencies stopped distributing the image over concerns that it had been manipulated. The next day, Kate took the responsibility in a rare tweet signed “C,” claiming the photo was the result of her “experiment with editing.”
Like many amateur photographers, I do occasionally experiment with editing. I wanted to express my apologies for any confusion the family photograph we shared yesterday caused. I hope everyone celebrating had a very happy Mother’s Day. C
Kensington Palace probably didn’t anticipate the backlash, since they regularly put out “tweaked” images. They have been accused of releasing altered photos as far back as 2015. Most recently, people spotted lots of anatomical weirdness in the family’s 2023 Christmas card.
Then-Prince Charles and Camilla Shand began dating in the early ‘70s. Reports vary on why their relationship initially ended, but the general consensus is that Charles couldn’t have married Camilla if he wanted to, as she was deemed an “unsuitable” bride for the future king at the time.
So Camilla married Andrew Parker Bowles in 1973 and Charles married Diana Spencer in 1981 — but at some point in the late ‘70s, Camilla and Charles resumed their relationship (while their spouses cheated as well). All this marital drama became public knowledge in the ‘90s via tabloid reports, tell-all books, and interviews. Diana famously summed up the scandal in a 1995 interview that aired on the BBC, saying, “Well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.”
Princess Diana died on August 31, 1997 at the age of 36, about a year after her divorce from Charles was finalized. The car she was riding in with her boyfriend, Dodi Fayed, crashed in a tunnel in Paris. At the time, Prince William was 15 and Prince Harry was 12.
In 1999, a French investigation found that driver Henri Paul, who died in the crash, was solely responsible; investigators concluded that Paul lost control of the vehicle because he was under the influence of alcohol and prescription medication, and was driving at a high speed. Though the paparazzi who were pursuing the car were never criminally charged, many, including Prince Harry, claim they also bear some responsibility for the crash.
While Princess Diana was beloved by the public, Camilla was widely vilified as the “other woman” in the royal marriage. After a years-long rehabilitation effort orchestrated by Charles’s advisers, the prince finally married Camilla on April 9, 2005.
Queen Elizabeth II, the world’s longest-reigning monarch, died on September 8, 2022 at the age of 96. Charles immediately became king at the age of 73, making him the oldest person to take the British throne. His coronation was held on May 6, 2023.
Prince Andrew, King Charles’s brother, was pals with Jeffrey Epstein. Virginia Roberts Giuffre accused the prince of sexually abusing and raping her as a minor. In 2022, Andrew settled a civil suit brought by Giuffre, reportedly paying around $13 to $16 million, but he did not admit any guilt.
This created huge headaches for the royal family. Prince Andrew stepped back from royal duties in 2019 and was stripped of various privileges — but they haven’t totally shunned him. He’s not really involved in the Kate Middleton saga (so far) so let’s not dwell on this unpleasantness.
He’s being treated after received an unspecified cancer diagnosis. On February 5, 2023, Buckingham Palace announced: “During The King’s recent hospital procedure for benign prostate enlargement, a separate issue of concern was noted. Subsequent diagnostic tests have identified a form of cancer.”
Charles “commenced a schedule of regular treatments” and took a break from public events for several weeks. Contrary to rumors that King Charles is dead, he resumed some in-person duties in mid-March.
A post shared by The Royal Family (@theroyalfamily)
The king has been unusually public about his health troubles, at least compared to previous monarchs, who revealed almost nothing. But we still don’t know what kind of cancer he has or what treatment he’s receiving.
William becomes king and Catherine officially becomes queen consort — so she won’t be queen in the way that Queen Elizabeth II was. But just as Charles’s wife is called Queen Camilla, she’ll probably be referred to as Queen Catherine.
The royal website lists the next 24 people in line to the throne. From the top, the order is Prince William; his children George, Charlotte, and Louis; then Prince Harry; his children Archie and Lilibet; and Prince Andrew.
That’s the $64,000 question. It’s unclear, but it’s important to know that “the Palace” is not a single well-oiled PR machine; Buckingham Palace is Charles and Camilla’s press team and Kensington Palace is William and Kate’s. As former BuzzFeed News royal reporter Ellie Hall explained to Nieman Lab, they work separately — and allegedly, sometimes against each other:
One of the first things to know is that the royal family doesn’t have one big press team working together to set the public narrative. The King and Queen have their press team, Buckingham Palace, and the Prince and Princess of Wales have their press team, Kensington Palace. “The Palace” can be used for either royal household when you’re referring to the royal press apparatus in a story. If Prince Harry is to be believed, there is constant infighting, one-upping, and leaking that goes on behind the scenes — staffers for one member of the royal family will give damaging or untrue stories about another member to the press to make their employer look better.
The official story is that they met as freshmen at the University of St. Andrews in Scotland in 2001 (though some claim they crossed paths in high school). During their engagement interview in 2010, William said they were friends for over a year before the relationship “blossomed” into a romance (according to legend, a lingerie-style dress Kate modeled at a college fashion show had something to do with that).
Kate said of their first meeting, “I think you said I actually went bright red when I met you and sort of scuttled off. [I was] feeling very shy about meeting you.”
Kate has always generally given the U.K. press what they want (for example, she posed in heels looking perfectly coiffed just hours after the birth of each of her children). And in recent years especially, coverage of the princess has been overwhelmingly positive; as Vox put it, “Kate was the steadfast maternal icon who could be counted on to lead the British in times of trouble.” Kate’s sister-in-law Meghan Markle was often cast as her foil, portrayed as “troublingly mercurial and far too trendy to be trusted.”
But Kate’s relationship with the press wasn’t always so rosy. She was hounded by the paparazzi when she was dating William, and the tabloids gave her the nasty nickname “Waity Katie,” mocking her because it took William eight years to propose.
Ironically, the press was probably part of the reason it took the pair so long to get married. In the engagement interview, Prince William seemed to confirm reports that he wanted to make sure Kate was ready for the media scrutiny, since it crushed his mother, who was only 19 when she got engaged.
“I wanted to give her a chance to see in and to back out if she needed to before it all got too much,” William said. “I’m trying to learn from lessons done in the past and I just wanted to give her the best chance to settle in and to see what happens on the other side.”
Their wedding was on April 29, 2011 at Westminster Abbey. About 1,900 guests attended the ceremony and tens of millions of people watched the ceremony live on TV and streaming platforms.
They have three children: George, 10, Charlotte, 8, and Louis, 5.
She was introduced to the public as “Kate Middleton” and it stuck, though she hasn’t used her maiden name since 2011. Kate was described as a “commoner” before marrying into the royal family, though her upbringing was far from Dickensian; her parents built a party decorations business worth millions and the Middleton family’s connections to the aristocracy go back generations.
Kate was named Her Royal Highness, the Duchess of Cambridge when she got married. She became the Princess of Wales when Queen Elizabeth died and all the royals got new titles. Some outlets have switched to calling her “Princess Catherine,” though technically that is not the correct way to style her name.
King Charles’s second son married a biracial, divorced American TV actress and activist. So on paper Markle is a package of issues that the British royals have traditionally not handled well. But the family initially seemed to welcome the Suits star, throwing the couple a fairytale wedding on May 19, 2018 in St. George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle.
By 2020, the situation had soured to the point that Harry and Meghan decided to leave their roles as working royals (though he remains fifth in line to the throne). Today they live in Montecito, California with their two children, 4-year-old Archie and 2-year-old Lilibet. Harry visited his father after his cancer diagnosis, but does not appear to be on speaking terms with William.
The pro-Harry and Meghan view: they tried to follow the royals’ arcane rules, but were treated horribly by the British press, partly because Meghan is half Black and partly because they were cast as the foil to more senior royals. The royal family repeatedly denied their requests for help, even as Meghan suffered serious mental health issues and the couple came to fear for their safety. Thus, they were forced to make a dramatic escape to America (which involved Tyler Perry, for reasons I won’t go into here).
The anti-Harry and Meghan view: Meghan is a schemer who plotted to marry Prince Harry for her own personal gain. They got the same harsh press treatment all the royals receive, but they wouldn’t stop whining about it because they are entitled brats. Now these two “grifters” (as Bill Simmons memorably branded them) are damaging the royal family with various tell-alls and money-making schemes, such as Meghan’s newly launched American Riviera Orchard lifestyle brand.
Not directly. An anonymous “source close to the couple” gave a bitchy quote about Kate’s Photoshop debacle to Page Six. Their spokesperson responded, “With respect to Page Six, that did not come from us.” Their pregnancy announcement photographer also spoke out after he was falsely accused of drastically altering the image (which was just switched from color to black and white).
However, Meghan and Harry are part of the broader narrative, since Harry’s memoir Spare and their ensuing media tour shook people’s trust in the royal institution. You could argue that Kensington Palace did that all on their own with their shoddy PR strategy. But these days it’s a safe bet that any royal drama will ultimately be blamed on Harry and Meghan.
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