WELL, what do ye think of me now? Rugged, aged, decrepit, vaguely handsome, the relics of auld decency or just plain older me?

The thing is, I wanted to travel next month - I often go for a kind of recharge of the spiritual batteries around this time of year. I’ve done it now for over a decade and get great solace from it. Being alone, on my own, for five or six days is such a rewarding experience.

I know, people always say to me, ‘You, silent for a week, that’s impossible’. And maybe that’s a miracle too because I do love, indeed yearn, for company most of the time.

A day where I haven’t met someone with a sceal or a story to tell seems a wasted day. Storytelling and story-gathering are important to me.

Ye all know I never really knew my father so I still cry salty tears when I hear Phil Coulter sing the lines; As a boy, he’d take me walking, By mountain, field, and stream, And he’d show me things, Not known to kids, A secret between him and me.

Like the colours on a pheasant, As heresies in the dawn, Or how to fish, or make a wish, Beside a fairy tree.

I never will forget him, For he made me what I am….

So ye can understand why, from an early age, I was always asking questions about him and got into the habit of talking as a youngster, and in reality I’ve never stopped.

I love gathering snippets of information about my father and mother and their kith and kin. Strange that, though he’s gone 60 years, I still often meet a very old person somewhere, near or far, and when they hear my name they’d say ‘I knew your father’.

So that’s the background to my incessant need to make conversation.

They say a change is as good as rest so that’s why about ten years ago I started taking a vow of silence annually for a week. Can ye imagine what it’s like for me? Days walking, a share of praying, more walking, visiting places and looking at things – and no talking, heavenly!

About three weeks ago, when I saw a week in late November/early December free, uncluttered and blank on the big diary by the phone, I said, that’s my window of opportunity.

So I started making travel arrangements - well, no, just enquiries about flights and accommodation. Then the whole thing started as I discovered my passport was soon to become null and void - in other words out of date.

No panic, says I, and wise people told me the quickest way to proceed was to make an Online Application. While I’m fairly familiar with the ways of the world, I’m still not great navigating keyboards and data processing, but no problem there as My Better Half (much better) is a whiz super-woman in matters technical.

Things were going well in fairness with all the boxes ticked, money paid, etc, just one item left on the check-list - a recent picture of me.

Again, modern technology stepped in and the smartphone with built-in, no flash camera came in handy. We read carefully all the guidelines about the photograph, how to take it, where to take it, when to take it and so on and so forth.

The Passport Applicant Candidate, me, must be wearing no facial jewellery, piercings, nose tattoos or image inhibitors. They were also adamant that the person must have a vacant, blank stare showing absolutely no emotion, sad, bad, happy, inquisitive or otherwise.

I never before in all me born days spent so long standing with me back to the wall. First picture sent in on-line, rejected - too much shadow, same story with number two - too much shading - what’s the difference between shadow and shading, I ask ye? Anyhow, between the jigs and the reels the fifth picture we sent in was accepted - the one you see here, and as Eamonn Kelly might say, things rested so.

Modern technology on the computer allows a person to ‘track’ the Application along the way as it goes from Inspection to Approval and Final Approval and then finally to Printing and Posting. It seemed as all was going well as my Application was moving nicely along and I anticipated the new passport would arrive some day this week.

They say there’s many a slip tween lip and cup and so it proved to be. On Monday I got an email that the whole process had ground to a halt - due to the inadequacy of the picture I sent in! I couldn’t fathom it at all, I’d been told all was well and hunky dory, picture perfect and away we go and now a sudden halt.

Did you ever try talking to a computer? Well, you can and I did and if I was there until the cows came home I’d get no answer!

Anyway, the picture of yours truly was no good, the computer confirmed. Was it that the line on the left-hand side of my nose, down towards the south-western side of my mouth, didn’t match the line on the far side? Of course, my features have altered a bit since I first got the passport around 1970 but then coastal erosion and deforestation are happening all over the world, aren’t they? And still I gazed, and still the wonder grew, how they could now reject my picture all grand and new.

On closer and forensic examination, it does look like there’s line coming down from the lower end of my forehead between the two eyebrows which wasn’t there previously.

Did they think I was ‘photoshopping’ or digitally-enhancing myself with image-editing software? I suppose this new line on my head is now a permanent feature of my physical geography and is here to stay.

There was nothing for it, only up again the wall once more ‘no cheese’ ‘don’t smile’, ‘don’t frown’, ‘’don’t look sad’, ‘don’t look happy’ – I’m telling ye, I know the score only too well by now!

After five more rejections – I now know the meaning of ‘rejection’ in it’s fullest contortion, well, wasn’t picture number six accepted and so back into ‘the Process’ once more goes my visage - nearly everyone in Dublin will recognise my ruddy face by now!

And so we wait with bated breath to see if any computer malware somewhere will spot some other undetected blemish or suggestion of alteration to my facial features. Yes indeed, it must have been that new line that caused all the trouble.

Imagine the other day then, when a good friend of mine, Mossy Canning, called with a present for me. Over the years Mossy has written several beautiful books of poetry. He gave me a copy of his latest collection – and the name of the book? It’s The New Line!! Well, ye’ll get more joy and pleasure from reading his New Line than looking at mine!

‘ A road from starvation to a road of salvation, Snippet of our ancestors whispering from the ancient road stone, Fado, fado’.

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An out of date passport and a very problematic photo shoot

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09.11.2023

WELL, what do ye think of me now? Rugged, aged, decrepit, vaguely handsome, the relics of auld decency or just plain older me?

The thing is, I wanted to travel next month - I often go for a kind of recharge of the spiritual batteries around this time of year. I’ve done it now for over a decade and get great solace from it. Being alone, on my own, for five or six days is such a rewarding experience.

I know, people always say to me, ‘You, silent for a week, that’s impossible’. And maybe that’s a miracle too because I do love, indeed yearn, for company most of the time.

A day where I haven’t met someone with a sceal or a story to tell seems a wasted day. Storytelling and story-gathering are important to me.

Ye all know I never really knew my father so I still cry salty tears when I hear Phil Coulter sing the lines; As a boy, he’d take me walking, By mountain, field, and stream, And he’d show me things, Not known to kids, A secret between him and me.

Like the colours on a pheasant, As heresies in the dawn, Or how to fish, or make a wish, Beside a fairy tree.

I never will forget him, For he made me what I am….

So ye can understand why, from an early age, I was always asking questions about him and got into the habit of talking as a youngster, and in reality I’ve never stopped.

I love gathering snippets of information about my father and mother and their kith and kin. Strange that, though he’s gone 60 years, I still often meet a very old person somewhere, near or far, and when they hear my name they’d say ‘I knew your father’.

So that’s the background to my incessant need to make conversation.

They........

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