LET me start off by stressing that I am most definitely not a member of the so-called Boomer Generation.
Those folks were born between 1946 and 1964, and are either in, or about to enter into, retirement.
I am way, way outside that age range, and firmly within the so-called Gen X group, born between the mid-1960s and early ’80s.
Yes, Gen X, as in Gen seXy, that’s right.
However, my eye was caught by a story this week in which the Boomer Generation gave out about what they disliked most about the young people of today.
Lauren Ahmed, from Ohio, had taken to X (no, I’m not going to say what it used to be called - do keep up) to ask Boomers their biggest pet peeves about young people, and it went viral, to coin a bit of an old-fashioned term.
Lauren was inundated with gripes from Boomers, and lots of people younger than that, clearly relishing this chance to get their pent-up frustrations off their chests.
It made a change for the oldies (no offence) to be giving out about younger people, rather than the other way round - 21st century kids love to blame the older cohort for everything, from climate change, to a shortage of housing, to Daniel O’Donnell.
The responses threw up a litany of exasperations and annoyances that older people have with (narrows eyes and spits out the words) ‘the youth of today’.
And, reader, I shared the Boomers’ pain. So much so that I decided to come up with my own list of 10 issues that really vex me about the young generation.
Can I just point out: Any resemblance to the people outlined here and my own teenage sons is purely coincidental. (And if they think otherwise, it’s fine, as they can’t afford lawyers anyway.)
Right, gripes about the young.
1. Why do you have American accents, dudes?
Like, you’re from Cork, and by default have the best accent in the world. The blame here lies squarely with YouTube and its parade of Yankee Doodle dandies.
When their constant patter is drilled into your ears ten hours a day, it starts to infect the tongue.
Morto for ya!
2. Oh, grow up!
I get it, you read Marvel and superhero comics as a kid. So did I. Now you’re an adult, and you watch a constant stream of superhero movies? I don’t get it.
Some say young people need this kind of escapism to blot out the existential angst of modern life and a world hurtling to extinction.
I say it’s the infantilization of a cosseted people who refuse to grow up. Amirite?
3. Yes, we get that you ‘totes adore’ your cat/dog/chinchilla, but we don’t.
This gripe particularly applies to people in their twenties and thirties. Many, myself included, can give or take pets, but some young people seem to base their entire life around their mutt or moggy, and post endless photos of it.
Few public places are out of bounds now for dogs.
And no, it doesn’t mean people like me are lacking in love or empathy. So, take your nuzzling dog away from my crotch while I am having a coffee. Speaking of which.
4. It’s only coffee, for god’s sake, stop making out it’s a life-giving elixir.
“I can’t even talk to you now, sorry, I haven’t had my coffee yet.”
What nonsense. A morning coffee is pleasant, granted, but those people who are agitated, grumpy, and fidgety until they have three cups of the damned stuff are ether ridiculously over-blowing their withdrawal or failing to admit they are hooked on caffeine.
Is there any chance Micheál Martin could introduce the world’s first ban on coffee in the workplace? That would be hilarious.
5. Look up from your phone and get a life (in the nicest possible sense).
Many adults have it bad, I admit, but nothing comes close to the obsession the average teen or 20-something has with their phone. It’s like a permanent cup of coffee for the other senses apart from taste. Put. It. Down.
And while I’m on the subject...
6. No, I don’t want to join you in hearing whatever bilge you’re listening to while on public transport.
I’m old enough to remember when the Sony Walkman introduced people to the concept of listening to their tunes on the go, which other people couldn’t hear. It seems we have regressed as a species since.
What sort of selfish dunderhead thinks that a middle-aged man like me wants to listen to an unfunny video on Tik-Tok at 7.45am on the bus to Cork? Or hear Drake’s not so dulcet tones at any hour?
Which brings me to...
7. For god’s sake, take your head out of your behind and extend your musical tastes
An older guy once told me to listen to Astral Weeks by Van Morrison. Another chimed in that I should check out Neil Young. Both were before my time. I’m so glad I followed their advice.
I get the feeling today’s youth listen to the same old parp all the time and never extend their tastes. Do you like music or not?
Yes, yes, I know. Old fart klaxon, but still. And anther thing...
8. Quit banning lyrics from old songs because you are offended on behalf of some non-existent party.
Fat bottomed girls never complained when Freddie Mercury sang about them back in the day, they just shook their tail feathers even harder. The people who decided to leave it off Queen’s Greatest Hits album were surely millennials over-thinking it.
9. Stop catastrophising about climate change and blaming older people for it.
No, I didn’t invent the combustion engine. Yes, I do believe the planet is warming alarmingly. No, I won’t lose any sleep over it. And neither should you.
Everything’s gonna be alright, as Bob Marley said. You should stick him on your playlist too.
10. Get off dating apps and meet real people in real time, you might even like it.
Sure, they are ideal for many. But if they aren’t working for you, try the old-fashioned way. What are you afraid of?
Strike up a conversation with someone you fancy. Talk to them. If they don’t fancy you, so what?
Being humiliated should be a right of passage. It night help end that sense of entitlement you all seem to foster. But that makes 11 and I have bust my quota.
Over to you: What is your gripe about younger people today. Or, do you have a gripe about older people? Email letters@theecho.ie
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It’s not motorists over 70 who need refresher courses - it’s all the other ages below them! More in this section
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