In his remarkable memoir of World War II, “Quartered Safe Out Here,” George MacDonald Fraser details his experiences in the Burma Campaign as a 19-year-old private in the Border Regiment fighting the Japanese in 1944 and ‘45. He writes of his family seeing him off to war, just as they had seen their brothers and cousins off to war in 1914.
It is hard for a military man to leave home, but it is often more complicated for the families. In Ken Burn’s film documentary, “The War,” a lengthy look at WWII, the women talk about saying goodbye to loved ones going to combat. This parting is a shared moment that all veteran spouses experience. It requires one to be strong at a tough time. A wife remarked that she had to hold it all in, put on a brave face, and could not cry when her husband left for war. She showed no emotion because she felt she was part of a team.
When I tell folks about my time in the Air Force, I often say, “When we were in the Air Force,” as I always felt that my wife and I were a team. Many veterans today, I suspect, view their service this way, even if they were only in four years or 21 years as I was. I served on two overseas tours, one remote and one with my wife. Today’s veterans often serve multiple tours separated from their families. When the military member is gone, it is usually up to the spouse at home to handle all day-to-day issues, which can be complex. For many military spouses, it quickly becomes clear what “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health” means.
First, how does one deal with being uprooted and starting over? During our service, my wife and I moved seven times in the first 21 years of our marriage. The longest we lived in one place was four years, the shortest about eight months. Every move meant finding a new place to live, packing and shipping and unpacking when one got there (sometimes all the household items did not come), getting a new job if the spouse worked, new schools, a new church. To be honest, new everything.
These are things that civilians might deal with, but not as many times as military families. Moving children is incredibly challenging if they are teenagers. Yet many veterans did this almost every year or two.
How does one fund two households? As a captain on flight pay, I had my base pay and flight pay, which I split with my wife. We both had to watch what we spent: She maintained an apartment and handled the ongoing monthly bills. As an officer, I lived in aircrew quarters and had to pay for all my meals. For enlisted folks, the situation is often very dire with those at home on food stamps. If children are added into the mix, with all their needs, maintaining two separate households cannot be easy.
What news does one share with a spouse overseas? I had a roommate in Thailand whose wife failed to get their car winterized; it had no snow tires and slid off the road down an embankment, demolishing the vehicle. She wrote to her husband about this. It was precisely the news I had told my wife never to write to me. We had agreed not to share bad news. The serviceman or woman on a ship or in a combat zone has enough to worry about other than the issues one cannot control from afar.
So, on Nov. 11, 2023, to all the veterans out there and their spouses, well done, well done indeed. We salute you for your service.
John E. Norvell is a frequent contributor to the Times oped section. He is a retired Air Force lieutenant colonel, decorated air combat veteran, and former assistant professor of military history at the Air Force Academy. He has written for The Washington Post, several other newspapers, and historical journals nationwide. His F-4 flying memoir, Fighter ‘Gator, is available on Amazon and other online sites. A 1966 graduate of Hobart and a former alumni director at the college, he lives in Canandaigua. He can be reached at jenorv66@gmail.com
GUEST APPEARANCE: Salute to those who service — and that includes the families at home
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12.11.2023
In his remarkable memoir of World War II, “Quartered Safe Out Here,” George MacDonald Fraser details his experiences in the Burma Campaign as a 19-year-old private in the Border Regiment fighting the Japanese in 1944 and ‘45. He writes of his family seeing him off to war, just as they had seen their brothers and cousins off to war in 1914.
It is hard for a military man to leave home, but it is often more complicated for the families. In Ken Burn’s film documentary, “The War,” a lengthy look at WWII, the women talk about saying goodbye to loved ones going to combat. This parting is a shared moment that all veteran spouses experience. It requires one to be strong at a tough time. A wife remarked that she had to hold it all in, put on a brave face, and could not cry when her husband left for war. She showed no emotion because she felt she was part of a team.
When I tell folks about my time in the Air Force, I often say, “When we were in the Air........
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