Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humour lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
My 6yo is on a fake phone call and just announced "I know I know I know you told me that last meeting," so now he's my life coach
— meghan (@deloisivete)
March 20, 2024Our cousin lives in Jupiter, Florida so you can imagine my 8yo’s disappointment once we arrived.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids)
March 17, 2024Some of the cool things my 6yo girl has told me about how her day was at school include “I got an award” and “Today, a group of boys were being mean to me and I only made 5 of them cry.”
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad)
March 19, 20245yo: DO YOU WANT ME TO DRAW YOU A GIRL BIRD OR A BOY BIRD?
Me: Um... a girl bird?
5yo: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GIRL BIRDS AND BOY BIRDS IS--
Me: Hey, babe, we're in the church office, so maybe be a little quieter about--
5yo: GIRLS HAVE EYELASHES
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis)
March 19, 2024Pulling a long con on the kids by letting them get away with their innocent lies now, even though they’re so obvious, that way they’ll never get better at lying and I’ll be able to see right through their teenage lies. Am I doing this right
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney)
March 17, 2024Single friend: [who spends her days frolicking around Europe] I wish I was married with kids…
Married me w/ kids: [scraping crusted boogers off the walls] Yea, it’s pretty awesome…
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay)
March 20, 2024Why do people come back from a baby changing station with the same baby?
— mariana Z (@mariana057)
March 17, 2024I posted a joke about being an overstimulated mom, and men FLOCKED to the comments to scream that moms now are just a bunch of crybabies because grandma was never overstimulated. As if grandma didn’t have cocaine in her cola, a marlboro in one hand, and a switch in the other.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom)
March 22, 2024Took my kid to a play place and he sees a former classmate who he has had a crush on for ages. I told him to play it cool. Just overheard him say “I remember your breath. It always smells like goldfish crackers” bro has negative rizz
— Teddie (@Teddie2pointO)
March 21, 2024Nothing in the world is more important to a child than seeing what you just showed another adult on your phone.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland)
March 19, 2024Every current mom of a young child has at least one post from a Facebook moms group that they never stop thinking about.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes)
March 21, 2024Do you like the feeling of never being home & living out of your car?
Then having kids involved in sports might be for you.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4)
March 20, 2024Why are babies always smiling at me they don’t fucking know me.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield)
March 21, 20246yo: “Mama, I learned something today.”
Me: “Oh yeah? What did you learn?”
6yo (ominously) “That we’re never alone.”
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa)
March 21, 20244yo now deploying “perhaps”, as in, “I will leave this leaf here for a creature to eat—perhaps a caterpillar”
Hardest part of being a parent is not bursting with delighted laughter and smothering them with hugs every time they speak
— Matt Bateman (@mbateman)
March 21, 2024No one:
Absolutely no one:
No one at all:
My 3yo: Speaking of dinosaurs! What is everybody's FAVORITE dinosaur?
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites)
March 19, 2024In the time it takes me to make a shopping list, my family has already eaten enough additional food to render my shopping list obsolete.
— SpacedMom (@copymama)
March 19, 2024Chase pediatrician said “have you talked to him about stranger danger yet” so I’m like kind of? She turns & asks him “if someone comes up to you & they have candy would you go to their car?” & he’s like “yes I love candy!” 😑
— Kay (@KaylarWill)
March 22, 2024If your kid ever asks you something when you're not listening, never just blindly reply with, "Sure."
I've been cleaning blueberries off the ceiling for 20 minutes.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix)
March 21, 2024I get it Kate, I’m also hiding in the bathroom from my family
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3)
March 21, 2024Related...
- 3 Big Ways Millennial Parents Are Raising Their Children Differently
- The Most Ridiculous Things People Say To Parents Of Twins
- I’ve Told My Parents That They Have To Get Their Noses Pierced To See My Child, Am I Wrong?
login
who are we?
contact us
qosheapp
Toi Staff
Gideon Levy
Belen Fernandez
Tarik Cyril Amar
Rami G Khouri
Dr Ramzy Baroud
Mort Laitner
Petra Lesjak Tušek
visit website
