The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humour lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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people will be like “ew putting your suitcase on your bed is the most disgusting thing you could do” and it’s like no. not me. i’m capable of much more disgusting things
— emz! (@blahblahemily)
April 16, 2024women: a good reason to not take your partner’s last name when you get married is that maybe you and i went to school together and i’d like to have a little look at what you’re up to now
— jar jar minx 🍉 (@jasecordova)
April 16, 2024Pro tip, meal prepping is a great way to ensure that you always have food that is cold, a little old, and not what you’re in the mood for
— Pamela J. Hobart (@amelapay)
April 15, 2024i have the opposite of fomo like leave me out of all of your plans please.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin)
April 15, 2024$850 for my PhD regalia. When yall see me at the club wearing it with a thong and some heels don’t say shit to me
— Sasha the Bratz Doll 👸🏾 (@TrackCityChick)
April 16, 2024Me: the rectangle thing in my pocket is my passport
Brain: what if it’s not though
Me: what else could it be
Brain: like a small book
Me: I didn’t bring a small book
Brain: maybe you should take it out your pocket to check
Me: I’ve already done this
Brain: go on let’s see
— Sophie Hall (@SophLouiseHall)
April 17, 2024male cult leader: I have received a new revelation from the lord
me: let me guess, he wants you to have multip—
cult leader: I am to have multiple wives
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen)
April 16, 2024This part of the astronaut application cracks me up every time. pic.twitter.com/QRUwmBRVyi
— Dr. Karen James (@kejames)
April 15, 2024looove the snacks they sell at marshalls, home goods, tj maxx etc…….. no way to tell if they’re 5 years old or discontinued or a fake brand made from the remnants of scraps on the factory floor
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle)
April 17, 2024studying psychology is fun until one of the disorders starts to sound a little too familiar
— ninya (@psychtwts)
April 17, 2024amazing news for movie lovers. i have just RSVPed yes to a wedding where the only person i will know besides the bride and groom is my ex boyfriend
— trash jones (@jzux)
April 16, 2024After a breakup women will be like maybe I should join a convent whereas men will be like this is my new girlfriend, an acquaintance I’ve had for 2-5 years
— C*ntbot, PhD (@pacino_girl)
April 16, 2024Ok so my husband and I are mad at each other, and I just noticed on the grocery list he wrote "A Better Attitude"
Do I laugh or….?
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa)
April 15, 2024girls on insta going “4 whole years with this goof 😍❤️🔥🥰😘” pic.twitter.com/1gTwPqBNFE
— Amy A (@lolennui)
April 15, 2024[goes camping]
Ahh yes I think I’ll go live worse than I normally do.
— Syrup Tishus (@Syrup_Tishus)
April 17, 2024It has to be so embarrassing to do the absolute most in traffic only to end up at the same red light as all the cars you thought you did ya big one on.
— Kay (@KaylarWill)
April 17, 2024My birthstone is a chunk of sharp cheddar cheese
— Jenny Doesnt Know (@HighlyIngenious)
April 15, 2024please pray for me, I just had one of those nice days w my mom where you get the urge to tell her everything
and I told her everything 😭
— MARLEY (@GirlNamedMarley)
April 15, 2024the sex and the city theme song is so mischievous whenever it starts playing i get the urge to shoplift lipliner
— alina 寧 (@lambfigurines)
April 16, 2024the nicest, mildest woman in the office is on a teams call and has just chuckled and said "you know, i could go off. i could go off. you wouldn't like it, but i could go off" and i've never been more scared in my life. i want her to go off
— S'Ewa'd Head (@EwaSR)
April 15, 2024Imagine finding your soul mate and then finding out that they back into parking spots.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty)
April 15, 2024the cashier at TJ Maxx just asked me if i needed to pick up any gifts for mother’s day bc they just got a bunch in so i said “no thanks, she’s dead” and she just stared at me for 30 seconds then asked if i wanted to save 20% by opening up a TJ Maxx rewards card.
— kim (@KimmyMonte)
April 16, 2024I wrote a reminder to pick up dog bags on my wrist and someone on the train just asked what my "tattoo means."💀 pic.twitter.com/BLFhuM5XNr
— Lane Moore "You Will Find Your People"📚 (@hellolanemoore)
April 16, 2024I simply NEED to know why Philadelphia cream cheese is so much better than all the other cream cheeses. Idc if it’s chemicals, I just want the truth. I can take it.
— Katie R. (@AlaskanKate)
April 16, 2024My friend’s Dad doesn’t know who Cookie Monster is and referred to him as COLD ELMO. pic.twitter.com/BT29ngtKpT
— Winifred Beecher Howe (@katemccabesays)
April 15, 2024There's someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I've taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else's
— Bex Luther (@Superbreeze_Bex)
April 18, 2024i hate when adults say “tummy.” im an adult. it’s my STOMACH that hurts. because yet again. I had too many sweets without mothers permission
— meredith (@dietz_meredith)
April 17, 2024there is a 94 year old who makes tik toks about dating as a widow in her 90s, and she goes, "last year this guy ghosted me (guy became a ghost)" ...
— riddhi patel is innocent 🇵🇸🍉❤️ (@alitlstrawberry)
April 17, 2024Ik the point of all cult documentaries is anyone can fall into a cult but I rly don’t see it happening for me just bc I’m sooo lazy and the odds of me signing up for an empowerment or healing workshop are below zero like I hate having stuff to do
— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara)
April 15, 2024a random fact I love is that men in New York apparently don’t know what a fact is pic.twitter.com/B0PrsmmQ0Z
— Karly Brooks (@brookskarly)
April 17, 2024it was a very long time before i realized red lobster wasn’t the upscale dinery my parents led me to believe it was
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho)
April 16, 2024girls will be like “this is my comfort show” and it’s a 10 part docuseries on serial killers.
— nay (dino) 🖤 (@Lilblack_heart)
April 15, 2024who called it rolling over in the grave instead of a plot twist.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin)
April 15, 2024Coworker just told me it’s his 14th anniversary and it’s not a big deal .. so now he’s cutting out 14 hearts to write 14 different reasons he’s in love with her and he already ordered 14 roses and made food reservations. He told me he’s never telling me anything again but idc ✋🏽
— allanis (@__allanism)
April 16, 2024My teacher education program didn’t prepare me for being bullied by 10 year olds for having a knock-off Stanley tumbler
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99)
April 15, 2024“i was born in the wrong generation!” not me, if i couldn’t google a restaurant menu days in advance then i would die
— Meg (@megannn_lynne)
April 17, 2024Related...
- Guess How Many Women Have Been Selected To Stand For The May Local Elections?
- Is The 'Rest Gap' Why Women Are So Exhausted?
- The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week
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