Thomas was a young child who began his life with curiosity and a sense of awe about everything new, from his surroundings to discovering himself—his likes, dislikes, emotions, and, above all, his unique self.

Unfortunately, with and without full awareness, his parents seemed to do everything they could to challenge, if not squash, his spirit. They did little to support his emotional and cognitive well-being. They set rules and structure with seemingly little interest in his thoughts or feelings. From telling him how to feel, think, or behave, they did little to encourage the joy in his creative energy, including his openness to questioning and experimenting.

They were not available to be fully present with him to help him feel genuinely heard. They were not there to respond in ways that encouraged his self-reflection or brainstorming, essential for problem-solving. As such, they provided little direction for modeling critical thinking.

For a variety of factors, due to their own emotional difficulties, financial stress, relational conflicts, and how they were parented, they simply were not available to provide the parenting essential for healthy emotional and cognitive development. They were excellent parents in providing food, clothing, and shelter, but this does not fully make up for their lack of emotional presence. Consequently, Thomas experienced great emotional pain, including a sense of isolation from others and himself.

Unfortunately, too many of us have grown up under this parenting style, an authoritarian approach toward parenting. This was first described in the 1960s by Diana Baumrind, who also identified authoritative and permissive parenting styles. Additionally, the neglectful style was identified in the 80s (Maccoby and Martin, 1983).

By contrast to the authoritarian style, authoritative parenting aims to provide a balance between structure and independence. It may have strict standards for a child’s behavior, but is also emotionally supportive and entails caring interaction that fosters healthy bonding and trust. Such parents allow children to make mistakes without judgment and are not intrusive. It is considered the most beneficial parenting style, as it encourages flourishing.

Parents practicing a permissive parenting style let children do what they want and provide no structure. They often act like a peer or friend to their child.

The neglectful parenting style reflects parents who minimally respond to their children’s needs and make few demands of their children. They are often indifferent, dismissive, or completely neglectful.

When the four parenting styles are compared, both permissive and neglectful parenting yield a high........

© Psychology Today