The holiday season is quickly approaching. For some, this time of year brings up memories of family fun, great food, joy, decorations, celebration and connecting with family. For others, it brings up memories of boundaries disrespected or being let down, put down, or underappreciated. For such people, the holiday season can feel stressful because they’re anticipating dealing with the same challenging family relationships they’ve always had to deal with, without having found a way to be with those family members and leave feeling good about the experience and themselves.

If you find family relationships to be difficult, that’s completely understandable, if not to be expected. Family relationships are usually the hardest relationships, not the lovefests Hallmark and Lifetime movies would have us believe. This is because:

A. Family members are not chosen,

B. The relationships span decades, during which time a lot of good and sometimes bad things happen,

C. We’re tasked to connect with people we often have little in common with, both in terms of interests, world views, and even lived experiences, and

D. There’s often a lack of boundaries, judgment, criticism, letdowns, and then struggles to discuss issues and work them out.

However, despite all the challenging aspects of familial relationships, people usually have a deep love for their families and a strong desire for those relationships to improve. While you’ll never be able to change your family, there’s certainly hope that through working on yourself, healing, and learning new ways to navigate challenging relationships, spending time with them can feel better. The key is to focus on what you can do differently when with family. The following list will give you strategies and tools to implement so you can have a better experience with your family this holiday season:

Do all you can to make time with family this year feel different than it has in the past. Remember that whatever happens this year is information for what else you need to do differently going forward.

I’m wishing you a calm, joyful, and deeply connected holiday season!