Child sexual abuse is a disturbing issue that affects countless children worldwide. The World Health Organization defines child sexual abuse (CSA) as "involvement of a child in sexual activity that he or she does not fully comprehend and is unable to give informed consent to, or for which the child is not developmentally prepared, or else that violate the laws or social taboos of society."
Prevention efforts over the past 25 years have not worked to protect children. Back in 1998, I reported the following statistics for my dissertation research: "It is estimated that one of every three girls and one of every six to ten boys are sexually victimized at least once during childhood" (Finkelhor, 1986). Today, reports indicate that one in three girls and one in six boys are sexually abused before the age of 18 (National Sexual Violence Resource Center). According to a new study, 16% of American children (under 18) have experienced at least one type of sexual abuse online (Finkelhor et al., 2022). Every nine minutes, child protective services substantiate a claim for child sexual abuse (RAINN). Yet, the available numbers underestimate the true prevalence, with as many as 30% of cases unreported (CSA Prevention and Protection Center).
In the Peacock television series Quiet on Set, Nickelodeon actors from the 1990s reveal ongoing sexual abuse by some now-named and convicted network producers and employees.
In reaction to the interviews with Nickelodeon child actors, parents ask, "How could this happen?" or "Why did these children not disclose the atrocities earlier?"
For CSA to occur, there must be both opportunity and secrecy. Sexual offenders find ways to be alone with minors, and they use power, coercion, manipulation, bribery, lies, fear, and shame to keep the abuse a secret. Societal norms around discussing sex perpetuate the struggles with disclosure.
As a therapist, I have heard survivors say the following words about delays in disclosure: "He told me I was special, I liked that," "He bought me things I wanted," "He told me no one would believe me," "Everyone would say I was disgusting and it was my fault," and “I thought I would get in trouble or be arrested.”
For parents and other trusted adults who hear sexual abuse disclosures, it is critical to respond with non-judgemental support.
Instead, know that any disclosure is a call for immediate help. Believe the child’s words, nurture all emotions, establish no contact with the alleged offender, make appropriate reports, and seek services with a trained CSA counselor.
Do not assume that a child can establish the correct boundaries, say "no" to an adult, or physically leave a dangerous situation. Protect your child. Be willing to end the relationship, even if he is a well-liked coach, teacher, TV producer, employer, close family member, or friend.
Communicate a commitment to safety by saying, "You do not have to be around Uncle Johnny anymore. You do not have to see him or anyone who makes you uncomfortable."
It is not your job to investigate or ask an alleged offender about possible CSA. This is a crime. Offenders often do not admit wrongdoing. Report any suspected abuse to the National Child Abuse Hotline (1-800-4-A-Child) or your local child protective services.
Disclosures usually happen in stages. Children reveal the most egregious acts last, if ever. If a child thinks you cannot handle the initial disclosures, you are shutting them down for any further information. As a parent, remaining calm, nurturing, and accepting is essential.
You may say, "Honey, I'm here for you. I'm here to protect you and help. I believe you. Let's talk to someone who can help us with this. I'm so sorry."
Children have limited control in these situations. Offenders groom children to trust them, maintain silence, and feel fearful, indebted, or culpable. In these situations, children experience many overwhelming emotions, including confusion, especially if the body is aroused sexually.
Instead, say, "I understand this must be confusing and difficult for you. You are so brave. It was not your fault, no matter what he said or what you might think. I am here to support you and protect you.
Instead, release the child's shame by saying, "As your parents, you can tell us anything. We are so sorry that we did not protect you from this. We want to work together with a counselor to support you. You are our number one priority."
The #MeToo movement has sparked a global conversation about sexual harassment, assault, and abuse, particularly in workplace settings. #MeToo gained momentum in 2017 when allegations against Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein surfaced, among others, amplifying the voices of survivors and encouraging them to share their experiences. Quiet on Set similarly empowered the child actors to speak up and know that they are not alone.
While I value the solidarity of experience and voice in the #MeToo movement, it is time to uplevel this hashtag. Now is the time to actively initiate efforts for prevention and finally eliminate these crimes. We must move from #MeToo to a united call for #NoMore. No more quiet on any set or in any setting.
References
Finkelhor, D. (1986). A Sourcebook on child sexual abuse. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.
Finkelhor, D., Turner, H., Colburn, D. (2022). Prevalence on online sexual offenses against children in the US. JAMA Network Open, 5(10), 1-11. doi:10.1001/e2234471.
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