Scientist and sex educator Debby Herbenick wrote a book called Yes, Your Kid. It is a book parents are not going to want to read, but they need to. And perhaps, even more importantly, their teenagers need to read it too. But it is not likely that they will

Herbenick is the director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and a noted researcher in the area of sexual behavior and health. In her book, she writes that there is a growing trend amongst teenagers that parents may not know about: choking, or sexual strangulation during sexual activity.

In fact, research from the United States, United Kingdom, and Germany demonstrates that sexual choking/strangulation has become prevalent among young adults, disproportionately affects women, often begins in adolescence, and is frequently first learned about through pornography, social media, partners, and friends (Herbenick et al., 2020, 2021c, 2022b; Savanta Com Res, 2019; Sun et al., 2017; Wright et al., 2015).

Peggy Orenstein, who wrote an essay in the New York Times about this, quoted Herbenick as saying "I haven't often felt so strongly about getting research out there, but this is lifesaving". Herbenick wants kids — and parents — to know that sexual strangulation is dangerous — even life-threatening

According to Herbenick, kids are thinking their partners expect to be choked during sex. Whatever its origin, the practice has caught on. The rise of the use of sexual strangulation amongst older teens and college-age kids has been dramatic.

In a random sample survey of 4,989 U.S. college students, done in 2021, 58% of women reported having been choked during sex, and one-quarter of women reported first being choked by age 17 (Herbenick et al., 2021c).

Until two decades ago, sexual asphyxiation was much more unusual amongst any demographic, let alone young people.

Parents, educators, medical professionals, sexual consent advocates and teens themselves need to know that it is now common. And sexual strangulation can lead to unintentional unconsciousness or even death.

According the Herbenick, some researchers, including Keisuke Kawata, a neuroscientist at Indiana University, thinks that each non-lethal episode can cause damage to the brain, similar to the CTE experienced by football players.

It's time to talk to our kids about this. We need to start earlier than we want to. It's not going to be easy, but it is urgent.

Once your child is around 14, you can have a discussion about consent and its importance. During that discussion, you can bring up the fact that lots of kids watch porn — but that not everything that happens in porn should happen in real life — just like the fact that not everything that happens in movies (chase scenes, shootings, dystopian disasters, etc.) should happen in reality. We can talk with kids about what they think their partners might want or expect and where these ideas come from. This can lead to talking about how some things shown in porn are actually dangerous — and how porn does not show you that part.

Again, this is hard to talk about — but the time to start is now.

Next time, I will devote the entire post to talking with kids about sex.

References

Herbenick D, Fu TC, Eastman-Mueller H, Thomas S, Svetina Valdivia D, Rosenberg M, Guerra-Reyes L, Wright PJ, Kawata K, Feiner JR. Frequency, Method, Intensity, and Health Sequelae of Sexual Choking Among U.S. Undergraduate and Graduate Students. Arch Sex Behav. 2022 Aug;51(6):3121-3139. doi: 10.1007/s10508-022-02347-y. Epub 2022 Jul 28. PMID: 35902430; PMCID: PMC9333342

Herbenick, Debby, et al. Yes, Your Kid, What parents need to know about today's teens and sex.

Orenstein, Perry. New York Times, The Teen Trend of Sexual Choking (4/12/2024).

Savanta Com Res. (2019). BBC 5 Live, Women’s Poll. https://comresglobal.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/Final-BBC-5-Live-Tables_211119cdh.pdf

Wright PJ, Sun C, Steffen NJ, Tokunaga RS. Pornography, alcohol, and male sexual dominance. Communication Monographs. 2015;82(2):252–270. doi: 10.1080/03637751.2014.981558. [CrossRef] [Google Scholar]

QOSHE - Sexual Strangulation and Your Teen - Corinne Masur Psy.d
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Sexual Strangulation and Your Teen

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10.05.2024

Scientist and sex educator Debby Herbenick wrote a book called Yes, Your Kid. It is a book parents are not going to want to read, but they need to. And perhaps, even more importantly, their teenagers need to read it too. But it is not likely that they will

Herbenick is the director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and a noted researcher in the area of sexual behavior and health. In her book, she writes that there is a growing trend amongst teenagers that parents may not know about: choking, or sexual strangulation during sexual activity.

In fact, research from the United States, United Kingdom, and Germany demonstrates that sexual choking/strangulation has become prevalent among young adults, disproportionately affects women, often begins in adolescence, and is frequently first learned about through pornography, social media, partners, and friends (Herbenick et al., 2020, 2021c, 2022b; Savanta Com Res, 2019; Sun et al., 2017;........

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