It is common for relationship partners to inwardly reflect on how satisfied they are in their intimate relationships. A wise counseling client of mine once said that it is glaringly more obvious when an intimate relationship is not working out versus when it is going well.
So, if you feel your relationship is working well for you and your partner, wouldn't it be enlightening and helpful to know what is making it thrive? Or, if you are not in a satisfying relationship it will feel centering to see what makes relationships highly rewarding. Meet three couples who exemplify relationships that work well.
Sarah and Alex: Communication Champions
Sarah and Alex a couple in their thirties prioritize open and honest communication. They actively listen to each other, share their thoughts and feelings without judgment, and work together to find solutions to challenges. When they feel like they are not connecting, they politely call each other out to get themselves back on the same page.
Sarah and Alex are tuned into their self-talk about how they think and feel about each other. My book, Why Can't You Read My Mind? provides easy-to-grasp discussion and examples of how self-talk makes or breaks intimate relationships.
Sarah and Alex not only look inwardly but they also take the time to talk out what is on their minds. Their commitment to clear communication has strengthened their bond and created a deep understanding between them.
Mark and Emily: Supportive Soulmates
Mark and Emily are a couple who prioritize supporting each other's individual growth and dreams. Both in their forties, they celebrate each other's successes and provide unwavering support during tough times. Their relationship is built on a foundation of trust and encouragement, allowing each of them to pursue their personal goals while knowing they have a reliable partner by their side.
One major test of their mutual support occurred when Emily decided on a mid-life career switch. This required her to move a hundred miles away for two years to pursue education and training for her new endeavor. Emily glows when she speaks about how "Mark was my rock and supported me every step of the way." This relatively short-term sacrifice put Emily in a new and rewarding career whereby she can share the increased fruits of her labor with Mark.
Jan and Maya: Adventure Allies
This couple thrives on adventure and shared experiences. They constantly seek out new activities, hobbies, and travel destinations together. Whether it's hiking in the mountains, trying out a new cooking class, or exploring a foreign country, their shared sense of adventure keeps their relationship exciting and helps them grow together. Jan and Maya truly help each other to learn and grow as they avail themselves of new adventures.
Drawing from the above examples, and my years of counseling couples, here are the strengths of a satisfying loving relationship:
1. Communication: Open and honest communication is essential for a fulfilling relationship. If you and your partner can express your thoughts, feelings, and needs without fear of judgment, it's a positive sign.
2. Emotional Connection: Many couples come in to see me for couples counseling, complaining they have lost that sense of connection. Feeling emotionally connected is crucial. If you feel a deep sense of understanding, support, and intimacy with your partner, your relationship is likely fulfilling.
3. Respect: Respect is vital. If both partners respect each other's boundaries, opinions, and individuality, it contributes to a healthy and fulfilling relationship. If respect does not exist in the relationship you know what happens. Aretha Frankin in her hit song " Respect" says it best (about what a lack of relationship respect can lead to), especially in the end verse:
Respect
When you come home (re, re, re, re)
Or you might walk in (respect, just a little bit)
And find out I'm gone (just a little bit)
I got to have (just a little bit)
A little respect (just a little bit)
4. Shared Values and Goals: Shared values and common goals help create a sense of unity. If you and your partner align on fundamental aspects of life, it can enhance the fulfillment of your relationship.
5. Supportive Environment: A fulfilling relationship provides a supportive environment. If your partner encourages your personal growth (Mark mentioned above is a shining example) and is there for you during challenges, that is a gift that keeps on giving to both partners.
6. Physical Intimacy: Physical intimacy is an important aspect of many romantic relationships. If both partners are satisfied with the level of physical intimacy and feel a connection through it, it contributes to fulfillment.
7. Quality Time: Spending quality time together is essential. If you both prioritize and enjoy spending time with each other, it adds to the overall satisfaction of the relationship.
8. Balance of Independence: A fulfilling relationship allows for individual growth and independence. If both partners have their interests and support each other's pursuits, it can contribute to a well-rounded connection.
9. Conflict Resolution: How you handle conflicts is significant. If you and your partner can navigate disagreements respectfully and find solutions together, it indicates a healthy relationship.
Your overall level of happiness in your relationship is of huge importance to your well-being. When couples focus on what works well, it helps keep their loving fire burning bright. If you generally can see your relationship encompassing a good deal of what was discussed above, it suggests that your relationship is emotionally satisfying and healthy.
References
Bühler, J. L., Krauss, S., & Orth, U. (2021). Development of relationship satisfaction across the life span: A systematic review and meta-analysis.Psychological Bulletin, 147(10), 1012–1053. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000342
McNulty, J.K., Wenner, C.A. & Fisher, T.D. (2016).Longitudinal Associations Among Relationship Satisfaction, Sexual Satisfaction, and Frequency of Sex in Early Marriage. Arch Sex Behav 45, 85–97 https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-014-0444-6
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