What is your image of the ideal relationship? What do you think characterizes true love? As you conjure up answers to these questions, which key ideas come to mind? Without even realizing it, chances are that your views about romantic love are heavily influenced by the myriad of cultural images not only in art, literature, drama, and music, but also those that stream through your social media feeds. From rom-coms to tragedies, Disney to Shakespeare, and love ballads to classic opera, romantic love tends to be portrayed in certain ways, often a far cry from the humdrum reality of day-to-day actual relationships.
These mythical portrayals often permeate people’s expectations about what it feels like to be “in love,” what the ideal romantic partner should be like, and how the relationship should play out over the course of time. Rather than being harmless forms of entertainment, these myths have the potential to lead people to let those expectations set themselves up for disappointment if not heartache.
According to Universidad de Sevilla’s Nerea Picón and colleagues (2023), romantic myths could lead people not only to expect too much out of their actual close relationships, but also to set the stage for “an unhealthy and toxic love model” (p. 2). Writing in a journal focused on social policy implications of research on sexuality, the Spanish authors believe that these myths need to be identified in order to reduce worldwide cases of domestic violence. Such themes as “complete surrender and dependence, idealizing the other and … forgiving and justifying everything in the name of love” often become translated into fictitious portrayals of women as passive compared to their manly heroes.
You might not have thought that such seemingly innocent ideas represented in your favorite Hollywood movies could be associated with such serious consequences. However, the U. Sevilla research team provide background support from previous research suggesting that it is surprisingly common for young people to associate romantic love with jealousy and even violent behaviors as “proof of love.” Picón et al. believed that documenting the existence of romantic myths in a population of adults could provide important data points to use as a starting place for social change.
In a narrower sense, knowing where you (and perhaps your partner) stand with respect to these love myths could help inform the quality of your relationship. How much, without realizing it, have you come to expect that your relationship will be like those of the fictional characters whose stories permeate your imagination?
The Spanish researchers began their attempt to quantify these myths by subjecting a set of 10 items generated in earlier research to rigorous statistical tests. They did so on a representative sample of 562 adults ranging from 18 to 63 years old (average age of 34) with somewhat more women (58%) than men (42%). The model testing included taking age and gender into account to determine whether these groups would differ in the scale’s structures, an important step in ensuring the generalizability of the resulting measure.
Following the statistical tests, the authors were able to reduce the 10 items to 5 which, in turn, fit into two subscales. You can test yourself on these items by rating yourself from 1 (strongly disagree) to 5 (strongly agree):
Across all groups in the Spanish sample, the rates of agreement (4-5 on the scale) were 50%, 56%, 7%, 4%, and 59%. Thus, the two “mistreatment” items received the lowest agreement. These two formed the “love-abuse” subscale, and the other three items fell into the “love idealization” subscale. You might be surprised at items that did not make it to the final cut. These included such myths as “love is blind,” “jealousy is proof of love,” and “separating or divorcing is a failure.” The authors analyzed these myths as well, finding a slight tendency for women to believe more of the idealization myths and a similar tendency for "Gen X'ers" to believe more of these myths than "Gen Z'ers."
The love-abuse items were least likely to show strong agreement, but the authors maintain that even this low percentage is worrisome as individuals who believe in these myths may be the ones to present a risk of domestic violence. Overall, though, the authors considered the high percentage of agreement on the love idealization subscale to still be of concern, leading the authors to conclude that “internalization of myths can have highly negative repercussions on people’s lives” (p. 11).
Perhaps as you answered these items you felt surprised at how much you agreed with them, particularly the idealization scale. After all, you know logically that love cannot “do anything,” but yet a part of you feels that it can, or should. You might also hold the view that everyone has a “soul mate,” but wonder whether you’re with that person now. Maybe your partner is fine for the moment, but should you still be on the lookout for someone better?
Even more detrimental to a relationship’s health can be the belief that passion will last forever. All the great romantic characters never seem to run out of fuel for their desires. You’ll only set yourself up for disappointment if these images color your interpretation of your own long-term relationship.
Comparing your beliefs with your partner’s could provoke some important conversations. It might be fun to ask your partner where their mythical beliefs came from and see if those sources differ from your own. You might have a good laugh comparing which Disney characters come closer to your own views of the ideal partner.
To sum up, identifying your romantic myths can provide you with a new understanding of the expectations you have in your closest relationship. Together, you can aim to set up a clearer distinction between fantasy and reality, allowing you to find greater pleasure in the world that you have created together.
References
Picón, N. J., Alonso-Ruíz, M., Castillo, R. R., de los Reyes Asensio-Pérez, M., Martínez-Montilla, J. M., & Pabón-Carrasco, M. (2023). Psychometric properties and confirmatory factor analysis of the love myths scale in a comparative sample by gender and across generational groups. Sexuality Research & Social Policy: A Journal of the NSRC. doi: 10.1007/s13178-023-00863-7
How Do You Rate on the 5 Most Popular Myths about Love?
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30.12.2023
What is your image of the ideal relationship? What do you think characterizes true love? As you conjure up answers to these questions, which key ideas come to mind? Without even realizing it, chances are that your views about romantic love are heavily influenced by the myriad of cultural images not only in art, literature, drama, and music, but also those that stream through your social media feeds. From rom-coms to tragedies, Disney to Shakespeare, and love ballads to classic opera, romantic love tends to be portrayed in certain ways, often a far cry from the humdrum reality of day-to-day actual relationships.
These mythical portrayals often permeate people’s expectations about what it feels like to be “in love,” what the ideal romantic partner should be like, and how the relationship should play out over the course of time. Rather than being harmless forms of entertainment, these myths have the potential to lead people to let those expectations set themselves up for disappointment if not heartache.
According to Universidad de Sevilla’s Nerea Picón and colleagues (2023), romantic myths could lead people not only to expect too much out of their actual close relationships, but also to set the stage for “an unhealthy and toxic love model” (p. 2). Writing in a journal focused on social policy implications of research on sexuality, the Spanish authors believe that these myths need to be identified in order to reduce worldwide cases of domestic violence. Such themes as “complete surrender and dependence, idealizing the other and … forgiving........
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