Gerry Turner eliminated Peggy Dercole early in the competition on “The Golden Bachelor.” Turner makes his final choice Thursday on the dating show’s finale.
“The Golden Bachelor,” featuring 72-year-old Gerry Turner and female contestants in their 60s and 70s, will air its final episode this week. The first “geriatric bachelor” season has been a hit, winning ratings for ABC and the hearts of many Americans. Regardless of which woman wins the final rose this week, as a physician, I believe the real victory of the show is that it’s helped us to rethink what it means to be “old.”
The dominant perception of aging in today’s society often focuses on frailty, sickness and incapacitation. To the young, old age looks and feels like how Leslie Fhima, a “Golden Bachelor” contestant, first appeared on the show: A gray-haired granny hunched over a walker, struggling to get out of a car. Turner leaned in, looking concerned, and asked, “Do you need help?”
This ubiquitous stereotype of aging does a disservice to both the young and the old.
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Older people often feel invisible and ignored. For the young, the dehumanization of elders excludes a large slice of people from our community; 1 in 5 Americans will be 65 or older by the year 2030. It can also lead to unhealthy pessimism of, “I might enjoy (insert any vice) because we’re all going to get old and die anyway.”
But the truth is much different. In Fhima’s iconic entrance, she quickly threw aside her wig, walker and pajama dress to reveal herself to be a sexy — yes, sexy — 64-year-old fitness instructor.
This isn’t confined to a TV show. Many of the seniors I see in my clinic play pickleball or golf regularly and frequently go on trips to destinations near and far.
“I’m traveling next week, and I just want to make sure my cough is nothing to worry about” is a frequent reason for a visit. My father, in his early 70s, is still doing triathlons. Although strength and muscle mass decrease with aging, consistent exercise regimens can reverse these changes well into the ninth decade.
Moreover, studies show that seniors are some of the happiest people. By their later 60s or early 70s, older adults surpass younger adults on all measures, showing less stress, depression, worry and anger, and more enjoyment, happiness and satisfaction, according to one study. Older adults are more likely to be free from existential and career worries of their younger selves. They often have more freedom, time and resources to pursue what they really want, with whom they want. And, yes, that includes sex life. Surveys show that older adults remain sexually active — and satisfied — into their later years.
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In my interactions in the clinic, the older patients are the most generous, easy-going and patient people I see.
I must admit that I have yet to meet a patient who likes getting old. More often than not, aches, pains and physical limitations accompany aging. Sandra Mason, a “Golden Bachelor” contestant, explained her reason for taking a bottom bunk in the Bachelor Mansion. “I didn’t want to be on top. I’ve had my knees replaced. That’s a lot of climbing.”
Heart disease, cancer, dementia and most chronic diseases become likely as one gets old, as do your chances of death.
Yet, as geriatrician Dr. Louise Aronson writes, we must not “approach old age as a singular, unsavory entity and fail to adequately acknowledge its great pleasure or the unique attributes.”
Though in an artificial setting, “The Golden Bachelor” showed us the great pleasures that can come with old age. Assuredness, relative freedom from others’ opinions, time. Even making out in the hot tub. And a more realistic and optimistic depiction of aging can be beneficial for viewers, as research suggests that a more positive perception of aging may lead to better health over time.
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As medical professionals, we need to study and educate people not just on how to avoid death but also on how to enjoy life for longer. I must admit that though I have spent years learning how to treat illness, I cannot recall learning how to advise patients to stay healthy so that they can thrive. We need to talk to patients earlier about how to age healthily to avoid illness and physical decline — and to enjoy their time, their freedom, and, if they’re so inclined, the hot tub.
For example, Dr. Peter Attia talks about the centenarian decathlon, in which he asks his patients to write down 10 important physical tasks that they would like to do for the rest of their lives. The list may include picking up a young child from the floor, climbing four flights of stairs without stopping or having sex. We need to research and educate patients on specific strategies to help attain these goals that go beyond “exercise more, lose weight and take your medications.”
On Thursday, Gerry Turner will give his final rose to one of the contestants. Perhaps he will get married and live happily ever after. Maybe not. To me, who he chooses does not matter as much as how this show helped us take off our gray-colored glasses and see the lives of older adults in their true, vibrant and diverse form.
Dr. Jason Bae is an urgent care physician practicing in Palo Alto. He is a senior scholar at Stanford Clinical Excellence Research Center and a Paul and Daisy Soros Fellow and Public Voices Fellow with the OpEd Project.
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