I am not Hamas. But thank you for asking. I felt I needed to address that before I wrote my commentary on Israel’s latest war on Gaza.
Dear reader, I don’t blame you for assuming that I would be a card-carrying member of a militant organization that has failed the Palestinian people and committed war crimes against Israeli citizens. After all, I am a son of Pakistani immigrants born and raised in the Bay Area, California. It makes perfect sense!
However, I am fallible, ignorant, and can be wrong, so just to be sure I called my parents to verify. My parents affirmed that we were indeed not Hamas and scolded me for asking stupid questions. Then they proceeded to shame me about my weight gain and asked how come I hadn’t written a best-selling book like other South Asian writers.
Perhaps you thought all Pakistanis and Palestinians were the same? I wouldn’t begrudge you this innocent mistake. It makes sense considering our tribal identifications begin with the same consonant and we mostly share varying degrees of melanin. (Although I haven’t seen Peruvian people lumped in with Palestinians, but I digress.) After all, even noted conservative commentator John Podhoretz was confused and tweeted that Huffington Post’s Pakistani American journalist Akbar Shahid Ahmed was “the correspondent for Hamas.”
After consulting the map, I realized Pakistan is in South Asia and Palestine is in the Middle East, and although both our people have a fondness for lamb and bread, we are quite different. I also spent some extra time doing research—in between condemning Hamas on Twitter, of course—and discovered that not all Arabs are Palestinians.
Who would’ve thought?
There are Egyptians, Jordanians, Syrians, and even Lebanese, and they all have their unique diverse histories and cultures. I hope someone tells Rep. Ryan Zinke (R-MT) as he advances a bill to ban Palestinians from entering the U.S. so he doesn’t stop the good ones from coming.
Also, shockingly, I learned that not all Palestinians are Hamas. Hamas only governs occupied Gaza, and it narrowly won an election over 17 years ago when most of the current population was either children or not born. They don’t control the West Bank, the other territory that Israel occupies. According to reliable polls, the majority of Palestinians don’t approve of Hamas, but that hasn’t stopped Netanyahu’s government from collectively punishing Gazan civilians, half of whom are children, for the crimes of Hamas on Oct. 7.
But maybe you thought I was Hamas because I’ve posted in the past about my appreciation of Hummus? It’s true. I unfortunately have never condemned Hummus, which might have caused the initial confusion and bigoted assumption. (Well, that’s not entirely true. I have proactively condemned the abomination known as chocolate hummus and will gladly lead a non-violent jihad against its existence.)
Wait: I think I know why you’d assume I’m Hamas.
I shouldn’t beat around the burning bush. It’s because I’m a practicing Muslim, isn’t it?
I am not the safe, sanitized, “moderate Muslim” adored by U.S. national security circles and corporate America. I’m the scary kind who believes in God, fasts during Ramadan, and doesn’t drink alcohol. I am one of those that Donald Trump still wants to ban and whose communities were surveilled and criminalized after the 9/11 attacks. (Allow me to pre-emptively state that I am also not Al Qaeda.)
Fox News host Jessie Watters recently said he’s ‘had it” with my people, who have also been lovingly referred to as “invaders” and “stealth jihadis.” We allegedly want to replace the Constitution with Shariah.
I regret to inform you that’s not me either. I’m just too lazy to engage in full-scale treason against our democracy. That would be the MAGA movement which initiated the failed insurrection on Jan 6, 2021. (I am also not MAGA and proactively condemn their extremism as well.)
A majority of practicing Muslims like myself not only don’t associate with Hamas but also condemn violent extremist movements who have abused and betrayed our religious traditions to rationalize attacks against civilians.
Just to be sure, I went and checked. Guess what? I condemned Hamas after its Oct 7 attack before anyone even asked! (Maybe you didn’t get around to seeing it because Google and internet searches are a difficult task in between swiping and rage posting.)
People search through buildings, destroyed during Israeli air raids in the southern Gaza Strip.
By process of elimination, the only logical conclusion left is that you thought I was Hamas because I have been vocal and critical of Israel’s war in Gaza which has killed more than 9,000 Palestinians according to the Hamas-run Gaza Health Ministry. If that’s the case then I guess I’m Hamas through osmosis.
I’m not alone. I’m allegedly joined by many Jews who loathe Hamas, but are actively protesting for a ceasefire and share my concerns about collective punishment against Palestinians. Sadly, the Jerusalem Post just condemned these Jews, but it’s not my place to engage in intra-religious excommunication. My growing tribe also includes Jewish writers fired for retweeting Onion articles, Jewish students on campus who are using their free speech to ask for justice for Palestinians, and non-semitic—most likely uncircumcised—allies who simply want to end the war and finally guarantee a pathway to self-determination for Palestinians.
But let me repeat: I am not Hamas! Even as you keep asking me to release the hostages and surrender to Israel, I am not Hamas. I do not have a direct line to Hamas leadership. They haven’t invited me to join their WhatsApp group. If any of you have a contact, just let me know. I’ll need a Jewish friend to call Netanyahu, and I’ll hit up Hamas, and we’ll get this peace deal done before Sabbath.
All of this is ridiculous, foolish, and humiliating. Sometimes stupid comments deserve stupid responses.
This ignorant bigotry is the predictable result of the endless dehumanization of Palestinians, Arabs, and Muslims. This is what happens when you utterly flatten a people, their diversity, and their stories, and instead portray them as “human animals,” “children of darkness,” and “Amalek” to rationalize collective punishment and violence against them.
According to this diseased thinking, every Palestinian is a Muslim is an Arab is Hamas is a potential enemy. This wide net is cast to also silence and demonize legitimate criticism of Israel. It does not help solve the problem. If anything, it only fuels ignorance, hate, and resentment.
In addition to the escalating civilian deaths, the victims of the past month include Jews and Muslims who had nothing to do with the Oct 7 attack and its aftermath, but are targeted due to rising antisemitism and Islamophobia. White nationalists are feasting on this as a divide-and-conquer moment, and, tragically, Muslim and Jewish communities will emerge as the losers unless we disengage in collective dehumanization and find a way to move forward together united in our common, shared humanity—despite our respective political differences.
If you don’t believe me, just remember Wadea Al Fayoume, a six-year-old boy who was killed in a hate crime by his landlord. He wasn’t in Gaza. He wasn’t Hamas. He just happened to be a Palestinian American.
At the very least, I hope I have convinced you that I am not Hamas.
With that, allow me to finally begin my essay, which is entitled: “Why I Condemn Hamas (Again).”
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