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He's not much to look at. The excess weight suggests a lifetime of over-indulgence. There's a wheeze to his words which hints at ill-health. His continual intrusions into politics and his expensive legal battles betray an insatiable inner emotional hunger for the spotlight, relevance and adoration.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump, rather Clive Palmer, back in the headlines recently after launching another bid to build a replica of the Titanic, a tacky vanity project but by no means his first.
Remember Palmersaurus, his dinosaur theme park at Coolum on the Sunshine Coast? Extinct. A few years ago, he announced he'd tip $100 million into revamping the park into a collection of wonders of the world.
The idea was said to be inspired by the billionaire's world travels, but Clive could have taken his Bentley for a drive along The Strip in Las Vegas, where "wonders of the world" have been luring punters ever since the 1940s when the mob moved in.
But it's not only bad taste that's eating up the Palmer money. Unlike the dodgy American billionaire who seems to inspire him - remember the "Make Australia Great" campaign slogan - Palmer has been mercifully unsuccessful at politics.
It cost him $116 million at the last election to get one senator - Ralph Babet from Victoria - elected. And he's hinted at challenging Labor's proposed cap on political donations - which would prevent another profligate tilt at parliament, arguably another vanity project - in the High Court.
Imagine the good the mining magnate could do if he spent that money elsewhere. Affordable housing. Women's refuges. Remote Indigenous health programs.
Think of the goodwill he'd earn, rather than the snickering and scorn he attracts now.
Other billionaires manage it.
Bill Gates and his mission to eradicate polio.
Twiggy Forrest and his Minderoo Foundation, doing good work all over Australia.
Even Elon Musk - although there's much not to like about him - whose pioneering of electric vehicles has put the world on the road to a greener future. Oh, and Starlink, which enables The Echidna to arrive in your inbox via satellite from where it's written - today, four hours from Jakarta, travelling at a leisurely 14 knots aboard the Viking Orion.
Looking out the window of what has become my office, I'm watching a passing parade of ships, all with purpose. Bulk carriers, container ships, tankers, coastal freighters servicing this archipelago of 17,000 islands. It's all very real.
The notion of a cheesy Titanic replica intruding on the scene because a billionaire has more money than sense is unsettling. Let's not turn our oceans into theme parks.
Yesterday in Ambarawa, in Central Java, I discovered time travel was possible.
At Willem I train station - built in 1873 but now a museum - a loco with wooden passenger cars was building a head of steam.
The smell of steam and soot took me straight back to my early childhood and train trips across India with my mother in the last of the pre-diesel days. Her admonishments to stay well back from the window to avoid getting soot in my eyes bubbled to the surface from deep within memory as happy tears welled.
With a piercing shriek of the train's whistle, we departed the station for a 10km journey. On one side emerald green paddyfields. On the other, houses with their domestic life on show and brightly coloured mosques backdropped by mountains.
As we rattled along, waving back at the children delighted by the passing steam train, it felt like stepping into a Joseph Conrad story. Sitting on the hard wooden benches, I imagined the Dutch officials and military officers who made the trip down to the port of Semarang a century and a half ago.
The trip on the slow train was only short but the memory of it will last a lifetime, just as those earlier experiences have.
After a lifetime of flying and busy airports, arriving by sea is so much more interesting than fussing with your tray table, opening the window shades, bringing your seat to the upright position and triple-checking you still have your passport. There's so much to see.
The arrival of the pilot boat which draws alongside. The tugs that meet you in the harbour. The smells and sounds of working ports bustling with activity. I could watch it all a hundred times and never grow tired of it. And that's why I'm headed down to the promenade deck to watch our arrival in Jakarta.
HAVE YOUR SAY: Would you pay big money to travel in a replica of the Titanic? Are there better things billionaires could spend their money on? Should there be a cap on donations to political parties to prevent billionaires buying their way into power? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au
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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- Ride-share company Uber has agreed to pay $271.8 million to compensate rival taxi and hire car drivers, according to lawyers for 8000 drivers from the rival taxi companies. In 2022, the company admitted that it had breached Australian Consumer Law after falsely telling customers they could be charged for cancelling trips. It also misrepresented prices being charged by rival taxi companies.
- A major union is hoping to force Qantas to pay millions in compensation to former workers whose jobs were illegally outsourced during the COVID-19 pandemic.The Transport Workers Union is suing Australia's national airline in the Federal Court over what it says is "the largest case of illegal sackings in Australia's corporate history".
- Some Palestinians who had their Australian visas cancelled while fleeing the violence in Gaza have had their documents reinstated. It was revealed on Wednesday that a number of Palestinians attempting to reunite with families in Australia had their visas revoked en route, leaving them trapped in transit countries.
THEY SAID IT: "Of the billionaires I have known, money just brings out the basic traits in them. If they were jerks before they had money, they are simply jerks with a billion dollars." - Warren Buffett
YOU SAID IT: The Echidna trials the digital nomad lifestyle, working from a ship in the Java Sea.
"How I envy you," writes Tony. "I'd love to do what you are doing. I'm 72 and a half and still working four days a week. I've often dreamed of a nomadic way of life but being in poorly paid employment all my life has put the kibosh on that. I look forward to hearing how your voyage goes, I hope it is a really good way of working for you. As for me, I'll just dream on and hope to retire again in a few years time."
A gentle tick-off from Old Donald: "John I am uncertain if you are writing this (ACM) for the Australian College of Midwives or my own Antipodean Club of Maladroits, (sorry, you don't say), but the idea is wonderful." Mea culpa, Donald, I should have spelt it out: Australian Community Media. He continues: "Yonks ago I travelled to the Maldives (someone had to) to supervise my final year university teacher training students; and along with soulless presidential launches and such like, I was treated to local dhoni boat travel. The relaxed journeys, half the crew sleeping, with tuna lines trailing just in case, were a highlight of the entire trip (apart from the work of course). Go for it man! As Douglas Adams would have it, the meaning of life might really be 42."
"Enjoy your working cruise, Echidna," writes Arthur. "There was an article attached to the Echidna about the Australian Public Service (APS} having difficulty finding staff in Canberra. APS could solve two problems at once. Recruiting staff outside Canberra to work remotely would solve the staff shortage at the same time as putting the brakes on the excessive growth of the city. Zoom meetings or similar technologies can overcome the need for in-house staff meetings. Small country towns would welcome the growth."
Lyn writes: "I was in Sri Lanka in October and noticed many young people working on their laptops, particularly in places near the seaside - why not with cheaper rent, delicious food and no travel costs? I did not notice this in the UK, Iceland, Greenland, Faroe Islands which are much more expensive with a less desirable climate."
"I have a lot of experience with the nomad lifestyle," writes Kevin, who creates technical training content for an American company. "They don't care where in the world I am, they just pay me in US dollars which is awesome. So I have worked from California, Tennessee, Hawaii, Fiji, Sydney, Ballarat, and now back in Melbourne. I have no actual meetings as communications are done over a chat platform and are never urgent. I love this lifestyle. I can take however long I like during the day to do the tasks or go for a walk, as I choose. I hope I never have to go back to a 9-5 in the office."
Four decades in the media, working in print and television. Formerly editor of the South Coast Register and Milton Ulladulla Times. Based on the South Coast of NSW.
Four decades in the media, working in print and television. Formerly editor of the South Coast Register and Milton Ulladulla Times. Based on the South Coast of NSW.
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