Four months ago, I got married, and four weeks ago I quit my job. No, this isn’t some archaic commitment to tradwifery, nor a decision based on kids. But the two, life-changing decisions weren’t entirely unrelated either.

For context, 2023 was a huge year. I started a new role – a big, stressful role – at the same time as planning my wedding. I was still low-key recovering from long COVID, and a close family member was desperately unwell.

A recently married Bella Westaway.

I was balancing on the edge of burnout for months – committing to yoga classes and restful weekends as a way to preserve my energy, withdrawing from social activities and “hunkering down” to manage my stress. It wasn’t working. I loved my job, but my nervous system didn’t.

It wasn’t just me. According to an article in The New Yorker, the Great Resignation of 2021 made way for The Great Exhaustion of 2023, driven by the incessant digital ping-pong of remote work. Many of us have, quite literally, become devitalised by Zoom.

And yet, I felt I couldn’t quit. Because … well, you don’t quit. Not when you have an interesting job with a wonderful team and do work you’re proud of. Not when you have a mortgage amid rising interest rates and a cost-of-living crisis. Not when you’re a woman, nay, a feminist, raised on girl-boss culture in the prime of her working age. Not when you’re making enough money to eat at Totti’s and shop at Incu and honeymoon at Raes.

So, what changed? Well, I got married.

Taking the plunge, if not in the pool.

I didn’t expect marriage to change anything. As a thoroughly modern young woman, I’d never seen a husband as a happily ever after. A man had never been my financial plan. My partner and I had fallen in love at 20, lived together for years, bought a home, and split the domestic and financial load equally before we wed. I was just a girl, in a loving and respectful partnership with a boy, wanting to tie the knot.

But, much to my surprise, it did change things, beyond the vaguely cringy thrill of saying “my husband” to a stranger and feeling like a child playing dress up.