I go to the same coffee shop every Saturday morning for an iced latte and a bit of toast. It’s the kind with cold brew and bagels, where the girlies sip iced lattes in their Pinky & Kamal sets, and the guys sport ironic facial hair and tattoos.

The only problem is the staff there. They seem to hate me. Every time I approach the till with a sunshiny disposition and a big “hello” on my lips, ready to exchange $7 for a shot of decaf and some ice, they glare back as if I’ve just run over their beloved family pet. No one ever asks, “What can I get you?” They just look at me and wait until I stammer out my order.

It’s hard to find a smile at my local coffee shop. But we all queue up regardless.Credit:

Before you wonder, it’s not just me. I’m not being personally victimised for having a resting bitch face or ordering a “pour over” when they’re slammed. It’s a thing. I went there with friends a few weeks ago, and every one of them walked out with the same expression. “What did I do to her?” one said with a raised brow. “Oh, don’t worry, they hate everyone,” I replied.

It’s like Seinfeld’s famed “soup Nazi” has branched out into coffee.

So why do I keep going? There are plenty of coffee shops I could choose from, so what makes this one so special that I’ve become a regular despite the terrible service?

Honestly, it’s all about the vibe. And by vibe, I mean many cool people go there. Don’t worry, I despise myself a bit, too.

But I know I’m not the only one who values the cool factor with my coffee ... if I were, there wouldn’t be a queue out the door for a place that curses your very presence.

There’s a certain cultural cachet that comes with the cafes we frequent – they say something about us: our taste, our character, our place in the community. For many of us, our favourite coffee shop is not just a place to get our daily caffeine fix – it’s a public declaration of who we are.

It’s the espresso equivalent of that cafeteria scene in Mean Girls, where each table is assigned a clique, but instead of “art freaks” and “plastics”, we have the undercover tech bros in their Patagonia vests drinking batch brew at Skittle Lane, the pilates girlies sipping iced oat lattes at Single O, and the tradies sliding into 7/11 for a pre-work cup of joe.