I spent about three months, maybe four, living as Tootie the Toucan.

On Friday nights and Saturday afternoons in 2009, I transformed from a 19-year-old with an emo fringe into the avian mascot for the Shoppingtown Hotel, in Melbourne’s eastern suburbs.

Being a toucan sounds better on paper than it was in reality.

I was overqualified for the job, really. I said as much in my email to the pub’s manager. “My name’s David Swan and I’d like to apply for the mascot position,” I wrote to him in July. “I’ve run children’s birthday parties for four years, so I’d like to think I have a lot of experience working with children.”

It was true. I’d spent four years before that running kids’ parties at Sidetracked Entertainment Centre – my favourite place to go as a child – operating go-kart rides and joining in games of laser tag when one team was losing too badly. It was the best.

There was something distinctly energising about being around kids who didn’t have a care in the world, who just wanted to run around with their friends and have the best time. Running birthday parties often didn’t feel like work, it just felt like a good time that happened to be renumerated. And playing games of pinball during my lunch break and stealing Fantales from the prize booth was the icing on an already tasty cake.

After four years it was time for a fresh start, however. And that fresh start looked like a big red, blue and white costume that was dirty, unwieldy, and way too hot.

My resume, which at the time included my interests of playing the drums, acting, and computers, must have ticked all the right boxes. I remember the job interview being brief and the manager asking when I could start after about five short minutes.

The job seemed fun on paper, and mostly it was. “Hi kids,” I’d say in my best high-pitched Toucan accent. “Who wants to have fun?”

QOSHE - Some jobs look better on paper. Being an RSL mascot is one of them - David Swan
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Some jobs look better on paper. Being an RSL mascot is one of them

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02.01.2024

I spent about three months, maybe four, living as Tootie the Toucan.

On Friday nights and Saturday afternoons in 2009, I transformed from a 19-year-old with an emo fringe into the avian mascot for the Shoppingtown Hotel, in Melbourne’s eastern suburbs.

Being a toucan sounds better on paper than it was in reality.

I was overqualified for the job, really. I said as much in my email to the pub’s manager. “My name’s David Swan and I’d like to apply for the........

© The Sydney Morning Herald


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