I once worked closely with someone who had a reputation for being very difficult. He was my peer, rather than a superior or subordinate, which made our working relationship extra challenging: neither of us was “the boss”.
It soon became clear he wasn’t generally difficult, but relished confrontation – just as much as I shy away from it.
We all work with difficult people at some point, so it’s important to know how to deal with them.
On Monday mornings, he was always especially combative. After a few weeks, I worked out how to deal with this; I’d go into his office after the weekend and make a comment that I knew would rile him.
He would argue, I would concede he was right, and then quickly raise another subject – something where I really wanted his agreement. He would readily comply, apparently satisfied by his earlier rage.
This went on for months and eventually, we became friends, at which point I confessed my tactic. He was amused rather than angry, and I never had to use it again.
We all work with difficult people at some point. And there are many variations of “difficult”: someone might be obnoxious towards everyone, or just target you.
The basic rule of thumb is to try to put yourself in the problematic person’s shoes. Why are they being so difficult?
They might be argumentative, dominate every meeting, “my-way-or-the-highway” types, hyper-competitive, sly, or simply unreliable. (I categorise really egregious behaviour like sexual harassment or bullying as beyond “difficult” – I promise to return to how to deal with that in another piece).
But whatever their brand of difficulty, ignoring it or avoiding them is not an option if you want to enjoy your job and get ahead. You may not be able to change them; the goal is to ensure that a difficult colleague doesn’t undermine or demoralise you.
How to stop difficult colleagues affecting your career – and win them over
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29.02.2024
I once worked closely with someone who had a reputation for being very difficult. He was my peer, rather than a superior or subordinate, which made our working relationship extra challenging: neither of us was “the boss”.
It soon became clear he wasn’t generally difficult, but relished confrontation – just as much as I shy away from it.
We all work with difficult people at some point, so it’s important to know how to deal with them.
On Monday........
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