Since leaving ABC Radio’s afternoon program in Melbourne in the middle of this year, people stop me on the street, look deep in my eyes, and say: “Well done, that must have been a big decision. Good on you.” Or words to that effect.

I’ve been surprised. I imagined that there would be more “are you sure you did the right thing?” or “do you miss it, do you wish you hadn’t left?” I have been heartened by the broad understanding that change is hard, but necessary, and that in the simple act of making change, we have done something worthy of encouragement – regardless of whether the change is deemed good or otherwise.

And then, knowing how hard it must have been to leave a job they knew I deeply loved, they ask me: “How did you do it?” The same has been asked of the “how” of the separation of a 25-year relationship that happened a year ago. People have asked me about how you know.

When do you know it’s time to make a change? Should I get a tattoo on my forearm at 55? Should I have a baby by myself? I’ve just been offered a promotion, but should I leave my job instead?

They’ve also shared stories of how they made changes – moved to country towns to live by themselves at 75, changed their pronouns, left a stable job and started a wild new business and packed up their things and headed onto the road to live as a nomad for a time, and while not scientific, my on-the-street-research clearly indicates that making a change is hard, but the outcomes are mostly very rewarding.

Jacinta Parsons has embraced major changes in her life.Credit: Justin McManus

How do we do it? How do we make changes to our lives when we are hard-wired to stay safe in our knowable worlds? Making change can feel like throwing ourselves into the abyss and hoping that we’ll find ourselves somewhere new or better or just survivable. But we are often riddled with doubt that we are making the right decisions. Are they our best choices? Are they changes that will keep our families safe kinda choices?

Enforced change is particularly hard. I had long and lonely years, dealing with chronic illness where change was thrust upon me: the way my body worked (or didn’t), and what that meant for a life that I might no longer be able to “choose”. I changed and the world I inhabited changed, largely beyond my control. Well, initially anyway – that is until I understood that there are mostly always choices that we can make, even if they are small and discrete.

Quitting a beloved job is not an easy decision.Credit: Regis Martin

COVID-19 has some big things to answer for, especially here in Melbourne. Change was, and remains, a huge part of what it demanded of us. And while the trauma of those lockdown years is hopefully in the rear-view mirror, even while COVID-19 remains serious and dangerous especially for those in our community who have a level of vulnerability, perhaps we’re seeing more of the longer tail outcomes of its impact.