A close family member is dealing with some serious health problems and I have told them I am here for them and will help them in any way I can. They have been ringing me regularly, and sometimes I take calls at work.

Last week, my manager told me in a private meeting that some members of my team had noticed me taking personal phone calls during work hours. The manager skirted around it, but it was clear these colleagues believed I was wasting time and not pulling my weight.

It’s likely your colleagues are petty and vexatious busybodies, so obsessed with the trivial and inconsequential they can’t fathom that someone might be taking calls at work for a good reason.Credit: Fairfax

I was shocked and hurt because anyone who knows me knows I am diligent and honest. I always take note of the time I spend on non-work tasks or activities and make up for them at the end of the day. They also know I have worked my butt off for this organisation for a long time.

I said nothing in the meeting, but am now asking myself: Do I need to confront my colleagues?

I want to tell you that this could be a simple misunderstanding or a case of embarrassing ignorance on the part of your colleagues. I say that because it’s much easier to go to work knowing that your peers’ irksome conduct is the product of mistakes, oversights or misconceptions than of something more malicious. Sadly, I doubt that’s what’s happening here at all.

As I’ve said on these pages many times before, quietly raising concerns with a person in a preposition of authority is often a good starting point for dealing with a colleague’s performance or behaviour. There is, however, a big difference between bringing up a situation causing you legitimate unease and ungraciously dobbing to the “teacher”.

What you outlined in your detailed and very thoughtful email (only a fraction of which we used in the question above) suggests to me that your colleagues are very much in the latter category.

The factors and facets of this situation that you mentioned are quite particular. But the broad circumstances you find yourself in – feeling a duty to help a family member while they’re at their lowest point, are thoroughly universal.