A few weeks back, the head of Coles told Four Corners she had never heard the term “Colesworth,” the popular way of denoting the supermarket duopoly. This disappointed me. For decades, Australians have gone to the effort of inventing jokey titles for the corporations that rule our world, only to now find the bosses were not paying attention.

Is Gerry Harvey also not aware that, behind his back, many of us call his business “Hardly Normal”? Is James Packer aware of the thought that rises from a million motorists as we spot Crown Casino glinting in the distance: “Packer’s Pecker”?

We’ve long been annoyed that the two big supermarkets chains are in lockstep, we might as well let them know it.Credit: iStock

The term Colesworth has certainly been around at least since 1960 when the great Ross Campbell began using it in his columns for The Australian Woman’s Weekly. I’ve always assumed he coined it, although it may have grown from the great linguistic creativity of the Australian people.

After all, we have long been annoyed that the two big supermarket chains are usually in lockstep, using their dominance to minimise competition over both price and service.

Also, we have form when it comes to making up mocking titles for our corporate overlords. In decades past, the airline industry particularly excited our creativity. According to the collective wisdom, TAA always stood for “Try Another Airline”, while its competitor Ansett would be accompanied by the phrase “Chance it with Ansett”. Foreign-owned carriers did no better. BOAC stood for “Better on a Camel”; Delta was “Don’t Even Leave the Airport”, while Alitalia was code for “Always Late in Take-off; Always Late in Arrival.”

I know the “in” doesn’t really work, but you’ll just have to blame the collective wit of Australians long gone.

The contempt was turned up a notch when it came to car companies, mainly because of our need to criticise every marque than the one we happened to drive. Hence, Ford stood for “Fix or Repair Daily”, “Fast Only Rolling Downhill” or “First on Rubbish Dump”; while Holden was decoded as “Heaps of Loud Dangerous Engine Noises”, or derided by the phrase “Barely Holden together”.

Ford and Holden were the main recipients of our divided loyalties and the subject of many jokes beyond their names. My favourite: “Have you heard about the rear-window heater in the latest Ford? It’s to keep your hands warm when you push it.”

But I digress. Even imported vehicles were rewarded with nicknames. Jeep stood for “Just Empty Every Pocket,” Fiat was an acronym for “Fix It Again, Tony” (or sometimes “Found in a Tip”), while the name Lotus spelled out a warning: “Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.”