I’d sent in my column to The Times of India last Sunday, to be published on Wednesday as scheduled. I was warned by (my wife) Bunny that it would be spiked. As a precaution, I also sent an anodyne column about Haryana cops, which has been used today instead of the Ram column.

Ram and Lakshman are watching the comings and goings of earthly events from their heavenly realm.

Lakshman: Well, Brother, like it or lump it, you’ve willy-nilly been dragged into the hurly-burly of politics.

Ram: Politics? What’s that? It sounds as though it might be something infectious, like Covid. Do you think wearing a mask and washing hands frequently will help?

Lakshman: I doubt it. Politics is far more infectious than anything known to medical science. Politics consists of people who get together to form groups called parties who oppose each other in things called elections, all the while chanting mantras called agendas, to see who gets to rule everyone.

Ram: I hate to be a political party-pooper, but what’s all this got to do with me?

Lakshman: It’s got everything to do with you. You’re not just on the agenda of both the ruling party and the parties that oppose the ruling party and who also have to take you into account, you are the agenda of both.

Ram: So in my avatar as political agenda, whatever that is, I’m supposed to be myself two times over? Makes me sound like I’ve got a split personality. How did all this come about?

Lakshman: It’s all part and parcel of the change in how the calendar is now divided. Previously, everything was dated BCE, Before Common Era, and CE, Common Era. Now everything is divided into PM or PM.

Ram: But PM and PM are one and the same!

Lakshman: They are, and they aren’t. One PM is for Pre Mandir and the other is for Post Mandir. That’s the great watershed dividing everything and everyone. Including you.

Ram: I’ve seen videos of this mandir on YouTube, and very snazzy it is too. But why should it be such a dividing factor?

Lakshman: Because having built it, the government has put its own stamp on it. And, by extension, its stamp on you. At the same time, the Opposition claims you as its own. So there are two yous: a government you and an Opposition you. A double role, so to speak.

Ram: Hey Ram!

Lakshman: The two yous can say that again, twice…

Jug Suraiya is a columnist.