The sensible conspiracy theories about President Joe Biden rigging the NFL and setting Taylor Swift up to endorse him on the Super Bowl stage didn’t pan out as we expected.
But as a patriotic supporter of Donald Trump, and a person with enormous amounts of time on my hands and no one who loves me enough to get me to stop, I’ve sifted out THE REAL PLAN: The Biden administration is now using Beyoncé to destroy country music by making it good.
That’s right. During the Super Bowl, the superstar released two new tracks from her upcoming album which, to the surprise of many, is a country album. The songs “Texas Hold ‘Em” and “16 Carriages” are all twang and banjo and “hoedown” and “rugged whiskey” and, most concerning of all, really, really good.
That last thing red-blooded Americans who enjoy the processed-cheese marginality of most country music need is someone coming along and showing them what good music sounds like.
Clearly, Biden and his nefarious socialist handlers have directed Beyoncé to take this foray into the world of country, hoping it will turn Trump-supporting country music fans into brainwashed liberal drones.
Consider the facts. A 2020 study by Coleman Insights Media Research found that among consumers who have a positive opinion of Trump, half of their top-100 favorite songs are from the country genre.
For those who have a positive opinion of Biden, the number dropped to only 10%.
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It seems obvious, if you don’t think about it, that by having Beyoncé record a country album, the Biden regime is forcing country music fans to realize that their favorite artists – with the notable exception of Dolly Parton – have been doing it wrong for decades.
That will either depress voter turnout in the 2024 presidential election – due to an overabundance of tears in beers – or, in a worst-case scenario, transform well-meaning conservative country fans into raging liberals who eat vegan ribs and drive electric pickups and whatnot.
I’m sure the same people who thought the Taylor Swift conspiracies were hooey will say this sounds like another example of right-wing weirdos cooking up something ridiculous because if they don’t have a thing to be mad at, they might have to stop and reflect on how lonely they are.
But according to a new Monmouth University poll, about “1 in 5 Americans believe the singer Taylor Swift is part of a covert effort to help President Joe Biden win the 2024 election."
Patrick Murray, director of the independent Monmouth University Polling Institute, said: “The supposed Taylor Swift PsyOp conspiracy has legs among a decent number of Trump supporters. Even many who hadn’t heard about it before we polled them accept the idea as credible. Welcome to the 2024 election.”
Welcome indeed. If 18% of Americans buy into the Swift psy-op, you better believe at least 25% will get on board with the Beyoncé-is-coming-to-show-you-that-Jason-Aldean-is-hot-garbage conspiracy.
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Resistance to the Biden-led “letting Beyoncé prove country music is pretty mid” campaign has already begun. A country music radio station in Oklahoma rejected a request to play Beyoncé’s “Texas Hold ‘Em” this week, saying, “We do not play Beyoncé on KYKC as we are a country music station.”
Predictably, that didn’t end well, as Beyoncé’s legions of fans in the Beyhive swarmed angrily. By Tuesday afternoon, the station was playing the song.
Don’t you see what they’re doing, sheeple? By dispatching one of the world’s most talented performers into the country music sphere, the liberals are all but cementing a Biden reelection.
This is Biden’s craftiest conspiracy yet.
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on X, formerly Twitter, @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/RexIsAJerk
New conspiracy theory dropped: Can Beyoncé's country music help Biden?
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15.02.2024
The sensible conspiracy theories about President Joe Biden rigging the NFL and setting Taylor Swift up to endorse him on the Super Bowl stage didn’t pan out as we expected.
But as a patriotic supporter of Donald Trump, and a person with enormous amounts of time on my hands and no one who loves me enough to get me to stop, I’ve sifted out THE REAL PLAN: The Biden administration is now using Beyoncé to destroy country music by making it good.
That’s right. During the Super Bowl, the superstar released two new tracks from her upcoming album which, to the surprise of many, is a country album. The songs “Texas Hold ‘Em” and “16 Carriages” are all twang and banjo and “hoedown” and “rugged whiskey” and, most concerning of all, really, really good.
That last thing red-blooded Americans who enjoy the processed-cheese marginality of most country music need is someone coming along and showing them what good music sounds like.
Clearly, Biden and his nefarious socialist........
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