Thank god Super Bowl Sunday is finally here so we can dispatch with the ridiculous Taylor Swift/Travis Kelce conspiracy theories and focus on the one issue that really matters: The cold, hard fact that the Taylor Swift/Travis Kelce conspiracy theories were false flags planted by liberals to turn well-meaning conservatives into fans of the radically Marxist city of San Francisco.

That’s right, as the Kansas City Chiefs and San Francisco 49ers prepare to face off in tonight’s Super Bowl, millions of viewers are sensibly assuming President Joe Biden and the Democrats rigged the NFL so the team with the guy dating the world’s most-famous pop star will win. After the scripted victory, Swift and her beau, Chiefs tight end Kelce, will run to the middle of the field and shout out their love for Biden, derailing Donald Trump’s reelection bid.

It sounds ridiculous, which is why it makes so much sense. But what has become clear to me – and only me – is that everyone else is missing the bigger picture.

Try to follow along, sheeple.

First off, they teach you in Conspiracy 101 that the REAL nefarious plot is never the first one you see. That’s the ruse – the false flag.

By throwing out some nonsense about Swift and Kelce being Democratic plants, the secretive liberal cabal that controls the levers of power in this county have tricked Republican football enthusiasts into unwittingly rooting for the 49ers, the team that hails from ONE OF THE MOST LIBERAL CITIES IN AMERICA!!

Will Taylor Swift be at the Super Bowl? For the NFL's sake, she should be.

Don’t you see it? Swift and Kelce are just rubes, pawns in this vast leftwing conspiracy.

First the socialist overlords make you hate the Chiefs because you think the team is part of a liberal plot, then they lure your brain into being OK with the idea of a city like San Francisco existing. Once you open the door to thinking San Francisco is a functioning city and not an apocalyptic hellscape built atop piles of used syringes and overrun by deranged criminals ... well, then you might start accepting the liberalism isn’t, in fact, a disease.

After that, it’s a short trolley ride to embracing full-on communism and signing up for antifa training. Next thing you know, you’re out canvassing for Biden, being nice to migrants and accepting that people who are different from you are OK.

DO NOT BE FOOLED, PATRIOTS! If you’re rooting for the 49ers because you fear a Taylor Swift endorsement of Biden or you think Kelce is going to come to your home and inject you with the COVID-19 vaccine, come to your senses.

Inside Taylor Swift liberal conspiracy:Did liberals put Taylor Swift and pro-vaccine Travis Kelce in the Super Bowl? Yes, we did.

The No. 1 thing to fear is the 49ers and the possibility of a casual acceptance of liberalism. That’s what the Deep State wants.

Unless it’s a double false flag. I hadn’t thought of that. To be safe, don’t root for either team and just focus on the halftime show, which features Usher who ... let me check ... WORE A “DON’T TRUMP AMERICA” SHIRT TO THE 2020 BET AWARDS!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on X, formerly Twitter, @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/RexIsAJerk