Men are not okay.

They’re less likely to graduate high school and go to college than women, have dwindling circles of friends, and are sitting out of the labor market at startling rates. Compared with women, they’re two to three times likelier to die of drug overdoses and nearly four times likelier to die by suicide. The disadvantages are particularly marked for working-class men and men of color.

The problem begins in boyhood — and so should the solution, says award-winning health educator Christopher Pepper, writer of the Teen Health Today newsletter and co-author of the forthcoming book Talk To Your Boys. In his view, a future where men are healthier and happier starts with better conversations with boys.

Technology has made those conversations harder to have. Back when family phones were in kitchens or living rooms — and casual communication usually involved talking to each other — more of the conversations kids were having with their friends and peers happened within earshot of parents and teachers. That gave adults more opportunities to coach kids on how to talk to each other, says Pepper. Now, kids learn to communicate on cell phones and social media largely out of view of adults during the key years they’re building social skills.

Boys suffer the social consequences of that more because while adults typically emphasize social skills in teaching girls how to interact with each other, there’s less of an imperative to guide boys in that way, Pepper says. That might explain why researchers have found that on average, girls demonstrate better social skills than boys as early as kindergarten — and that advantage widens over the course of elementary school as boys’ social abilities decline.

“Boys often don’t really learn the basics of social relationships and responsibility and communication,” says Pepper. Social skills adults may take for granted, like all the steps involved in making plans to meet a friend, are skills that aren’t necessarily taught. The consequences for boys aren’t good: As they grow up, they often lose close friendships with other boys, even though they really want them.

The absence of clear guidance for many boys on how to be and act creates massive opportunities for internet misogynists like Andrew Tate, says Pepper. “Tate has figured out that boys are actually really interested in talking about gender, talking about masculinity, and thinking about what it means to be a successful man,” says Pepper. Many boys don’t get much other messaging on these issues from their families or schools, leaving a void easily filled by charismatic jerks.

Bad behavior among students is worse now than it was pre-pandemic, perhaps especially among boys. Although the causes are unclear, adults often blame increased social isolation and screen time, plus the popularity of figures like Tate and the........

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