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You could see Johnson, a Louisiana Republican, in the halls of Congress, waiting with his phone to his ear — conspicuously, continuously — even before he declared a recess.
Some suggested the phone was a ruse to avoid reporters. Or possibly he was trying to listen very quickly to an audiobook about how House rules worked so he could stop having to pass things via a suspension that required a two-thirds majority, as though the chamber were a sort of unwieldier Senate that had to include Marjorie Taylor Greene for some reason.
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Through all this noise and chaos, Johnson keeps the phone pressed to his ear, listening hard for word. This call must be very important to him.
Follow this authorAlexandra Petri's opinionsFollow
So he waits. “Shouldn’t you be legislating?” people ask him. Hush! If you are too loud, he will miss the message.
What is he awaiting, exactly? What voice is so important that the speaker of the House has to walk around with his phone glued to his ear, listening for it?
Well, until he hears, nothing can get passed. It is too important.
He remembers when he took the gavel for the first time, feeling that it was Someone’s will that he — not Jim Jordan, not Kevin McCarthy, not Steve Scalise — was now speaker. This was all part of a larger plan.
But since that numinous moment, the plan has been much more difficult to discern. That’s why he thought it might be better to call and find out what is going on.
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And surely this is the right line. He had been explicit in his request: “Put me on with the one all-powerful entity who is in charge of my life and the life of every Republican here, without whom nothing can come to pass for the Republican Party, neither good nor evil, the one whose will I must obey to keep my position and retain my honor with the people. Let me hear his voice and know his will.”
Then someone on the other end said, “Would you mind being placed on a brief hold?” and he has been on hold ever since. And so have the rest of us. A fine way to govern!
But the longer he waits on hold, the more he starts to wonder — not doubt, of course, but wonder. The hold music is, frankly, a little odd. “Angel of Music” and “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” followed by “YMCA”? Of course, he is not questioning. He would never.
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The Voice will let him know what to do next. But it is so hard to know his will. Is now the moment to pass legislation about the border, or is now the moment to call for someone else to take action at the border, or some unknown third thing? Is now the moment to pass foreign aid? If so, to whom?
He is the speaker, so you might think he would get to decide, but Johnson knows that humility is proper for one in his position. One might think one is acting righteously, as Sen. James Lankford (R) did when, with Minority Leader Mitch McConnell’s blessing, he went out to seek collaborators on a bill about the border. But that is pride. Pride cometh before a fall. Better to call and just check.
For a moment, the hold music on the other end gives way to silence. Could it be — the longed-for Voice? Explaining what to do? It can’t just be to wait until the election, can it? He can’t just be supposed to keep doing that? His arm is going to get tired, and he is going to run out of paradoxical reasons to impeach people.
No, never mind. It’s just “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” The wait continues.
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Speaker of the House Mike Johnson is still on hold, and so is everything else.
The House is in recess now, having produced enough legislation to fill the navel of a gnat, and also Republicans held two votes to impeach Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas, either for doing his job or for not doing his job — they are not sure. (“Not only is Secretary Mayorkas horrible at his job, he is willfully refusing to do it,” complained Rep. Brian Mast.)
You could see Johnson, a Louisiana Republican, in the halls of Congress, waiting with his phone to his ear — conspicuously, continuously — even before he declared a recess.
Some suggested the phone was a ruse to avoid reporters. Or possibly he was trying to listen very quickly to an audiobook about how House rules worked so he could stop having to pass things via a suspension that required a two-thirds majority, as though the chamber were a sort of unwieldier Senate that had to include Marjorie Taylor Greene for some reason.
Through all this noise and chaos, Johnson keeps the phone pressed to his ear, listening hard for word. This call must be very important to him.
So he waits. “Shouldn’t you be legislating?” people ask him. Hush! If you are too loud, he will miss the message.
What is he awaiting, exactly? What voice is so important that the speaker of the House has to walk around with his phone glued to his ear, listening for it?
Well, until he hears, nothing can get passed. It is too important.
He remembers when he took the gavel for the first time, feeling that it was Someone’s will that he — not Jim Jordan, not Kevin McCarthy, not Steve Scalise — was now speaker. This was all part of a larger plan.
But since that numinous moment, the plan has been much more difficult to discern. That’s why he thought it might be better to call and find out what is going on.
And surely this is the right line. He had been explicit in his request: “Put me on with the one all-powerful entity who is in charge of my life and the life of every Republican here, without whom nothing can come to pass for the Republican Party, neither good nor evil, the one whose will I must obey to keep my position and retain my honor with the people. Let me hear his voice and know his will.”
Then someone on the other end said, “Would you mind being placed on a brief hold?” and he has been on hold ever since. And so have the rest of us. A fine way to govern!
But the longer he waits on hold, the more he starts to wonder — not doubt, of course, but wonder. The hold music is, frankly, a little odd. “Angel of Music” and “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” followed by “YMCA”? Of course, he is not questioning. He would never.
The Voice will let him know what to do next. But it is so hard to know his will. Is now the moment to pass legislation about the border, or is now the moment to call for someone else to take action at the border, or some unknown third thing? Is now the moment to pass foreign aid? If so, to whom?
He is the speaker, so you might think he would get to decide, but Johnson knows that humility is proper for one in his position. One might think one is acting righteously, as Sen. James Lankford (R) did when, with Minority Leader Mitch McConnell’s blessing, he went out to seek collaborators on a bill about the border. But that is pride. Pride cometh before a fall. Better to call and just check.
For a moment, the hold music on the other end gives way to silence. Could it be — the longed-for Voice? Explaining what to do? It can’t just be to wait until the election, can it? He can’t just be supposed to keep doing that? His arm is going to get tired, and he is going to run out of paradoxical reasons to impeach people.
No, never mind. It’s just “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” The wait continues.
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