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Adrian Chiles

Adrian Chiles

The Sun

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As a Centrist Dad, I’ve finally found a political term to unite right and left

I was on the radio discussing the attempt on the life of the Slovakian prime minister Robert Fico. Mr Fico, we kept saying, was a populist. This much...

yesterday 8

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

I’d hate to be learning English again. Apostrophes are a nightmare

The mice’s nest was under the floorboards. The geese’s pond was smelly. There, I’ve done it. I’ve put two words, possessives I have never used...

16.05.2024 30

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

I never thought of myself as shy. But there I was, all wibbly-wobbly in the legs as I waited to go on TV

I was given an award last week. It was a grand prix, if you don’t mind, at the Croatian national tourist board’s Golden Pen awards in Dubrovnik....

15.05.2024 30

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

I’ve failed at jugs, I’m worse at teapots – why can’t I ever pour anything properly?

I can’t pour things. I don’t mean complicated stuff such as concrete, paint for road markings or a cake glaze; I’m talking simple fluids from...

09.05.2024 20

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

Standing in my boxers, blindfolded and full of shame, I remembered why I hate getting dressed up

I hate getting dressed up. Watching the Met Gala red carpet makes my legs go all itchy. As a child, getting dressed up entailed putting on trousers...

08.05.2024 20

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

When my tumble dryer broke, I didn’t have high hopes of the chatbot. But the human was even less useful

From where I’m sitting at this moment I can order some groceries to be brought to my door in a matter of hours. I can get anything from a cup of...

02.05.2024 50

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

How do you describe the view to someone who can’t see? I couldn’t even do justice to a canal towpath

How many shades of green are there? Whatever the answer may be, I soon ran out of words to describe them. I was walking north along the Grand Union...

01.05.2024 20

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

Everyone laughed at Hitler in the 1920s. A century on, are we making the same mistake?

There’s something I heard that I can’t get out of my mind. It’s one line in a very long book full of other very good lines. This was the...

24.04.2024 50

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

I worry that hugging people could come across as creepy. So, from now on, all you’re getting is a handshake

I gave up hugging people just before Christmas; I thought it was for the best. I’m in my mid-50s, possibly a bit smelly and live in fear of coming...

24.04.2024 10

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

Guardian Opinion cartoon Ben Jennings on Tory divisions over Rishi Sunak’s smoking ban proposals – cartoon

18.04.2024 80

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

My Serbian bean stew sets pulses racing. The recipe? Oh, if you insist …

What’s the biggest compliment a child can pay a parent? How can a woman make her father’s chest swell with pride? For me, there is an easy answer....

18.04.2024 10

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

I slashed my unloved football – and 40 years later, I’m still living with the shame

How long must guilt last? When I was a boy, aged about 10, I had a football that I kicked around for years, with my mates, with my brother or all on...

17.04.2024 10

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

What should you do if a cow attacks? I’ve finally found the answer

Many has been the time I’ve dragged my daughter out for a walk, and everything is ticking along nicely until the footpath takes us through a field...

11.04.2024 20

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

Guardian Opinion cartoon Ben Jennings on US attempts to rein in Israel – cartoon

10.04.2024 20

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

It is a privilege to be present when someone dies. If only I’d seen it that way, it would have helped me no end

I need to stop banging on about death and dying, I know, or people are going to start crossing the street when they see me coming. But there is one...

10.04.2024 20

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

Dad spent two of the last days of his life alone and distressed in A&E – for no good reason. This insanity must stop

There are good things and there are bad things. The trick is to enjoy the good things as much as possible and do everything you can to avoid making...

03.04.2024 10

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

I’ve spent a lifetime dreading the loss of a parent. And now it’s finally happened

Round at my mate’s house, one Saturday morning when I was 17 years old, something astounding appeared on his television. This was 3 November 1984. I...

20.03.2024 8

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

Pointless hats, trousers that are too short, trousers that show off your bum … I’ll never understand fashion

Blokes wearing hats indoors – beanie hats. What’s that all about? It does my, well, head in. But seriously, why? I was in a fancy restaurant...

07.03.2024 50

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

I feel for Keir Starmer. I too have suffered the sting of fat-shaming

Peter Mandelson opines that the leader of the opposition could do with losing a few pounds. Odd one, this, for at least two reasons. First, because...

06.03.2024 10

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

I thought I knew what farmers’ lives were like. I was so wrong

I was a big football fan for a long time before I got to know any footballers. It soon became clear to me that they didn’t really understand what...

29.02.2024 5

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

Naked, smelly and bleeding, all I wanted from the world was some hot water. But the shower had other ideas

In times of stress, I attack the garden. And the garden retaliates. After a long day’s toil, working up quite a sweat despite the cold, I was a...

28.02.2024 20

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

I’ve wasted 7,300 hours lazing in bed in the morning. Why can’t I just get up?

I thought I would get up early to write this, like I think I’ll get up early to do something every morning. I set the alarm, full of sincere...

22.02.2024 8

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

Guardian Opinion cartoon Ben Jennings on Joe Biden and Rishi Sunak asleep on their watch as Gaza is destroyed – cartoon

21.02.2024 10

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

A 20mph speed limit seemed unfeasible – until I learned to love pootling along

It’s amazing what you can get used to, how you can learn new normals, how you can – perish the thought – learn the error of your ways. Like most...

21.02.2024 10

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

I’d be embarrassed to have a football stadium named after me. A park, however …

On Sunday evening in Abidjan, the president of Cote d’Ivoire, Alassane Ouattara, was at the, er, Alassane Ouattara stadium, to watch his country win...

15.02.2024 8

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

I was injured, miserable and lost – then Steve Wright saved me

I’ve only ever written one fan letter in my life, which is odd because I’m a fan of lots of people and things. This was in the early 90s, after...

14.02.2024 7

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

The Guardian view on India-UK trade talks: don’t make it harder for the health service

India is known as the “pharmacy of the world”, supplying vital generic medicines at low prices to health services including the NHS. You’d think...

08.02.2024 50

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

Do I really look like Ukraine’s top general? I have a much nicer forehead

About 15 years ago, an Australian woman I worked with took me to one side and told me I should get Botox. I was busy building a career as a television...

08.02.2024 20

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

What happened when a colleague made me a cup of tea? I almost died of shame

The queue for my morning coffee was short but slow-moving. I was next but one up, but the woman in pole position seemed to have ordered an awful lot...

07.02.2024 9

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

What I learned from a freezing night in A&E with my dad

If you’re going to fall over and fracture your shoulder, then try not to do it on a freezing Saturday evening in January. That would be my advice,...

31.01.2024 20

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

They’re horribly flashy and cost a fortune to run – I’d hate to own a superyacht

I went to Barcelona for a few days early in the new year. It was nice – chilly, but with a suggestion of warmth in the sun. And there were colours...

18.01.2024 7

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

I was struggling with an underperforming poinsettia. Then I discovered how to make it shine

How heartless is the human spirit each January. Christmas trees, shedding needles like tears, are left out in the cold for disposal. Less visible, but...

17.01.2024 5

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

It took me 30 years to learn to love lapsang souchong – but now it’s all gone horribly wrong

Santa brought me some lapsang souchong teabags for Christmas. I had run out of them sometime in the middle of last year. This was no great tragedy as,...

11.01.2024 7

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

What’s the secret of packing light for a holiday? Ask my mum

I’m rubbish at packing. Be it for a night away or for several months, I’m hopeless. I never, but never, fail to forget something essential. A...

10.01.2024 20

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

It’s never OK to look at your phone in church – unless you’re checking the score

I’m often oblivious to what is going on in front of me, but there are certain situations in which I miss nothing, such as when I’m giving any kind...

14.12.2023 10

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

I know just what I want for Christmas – but I’m not sure it’s legal

I know what I want for Christmas – an LED sign for the back window of my car. I’ve only just realised these things are readily available. I...

13.12.2023 10

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

I loved my new glasses – until everyone told me what they thought of them

Oddly, given what I do for a living, I’m most uncomfortable drawing attention to myself, especially if it’s something to do with what I’m...

07.12.2023 5

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

Brief letters Where you can turn for quality TV news

Can I suggest that the former Newsnight presenter Peter Snow, who feels starved of the journalism that matters (Letters, 1 December), watches Channel...

07.12.2023 7

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

The Guardian view on Tory ideology: Thatcherism isn’t working – it never did

A spectre is haunting British politics. Its outline is instantly recognisable to every Briton of a certain age: hair coiffed into a halo, shoulders...

06.12.2023 10

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

How can you tell if someone’s really an atheist? Watch them at a penalty shootout

Each to their own, and all that, but I do occasionally enjoy challenging those who profess to have not one iota of religious belief. Nothing too...

06.12.2023 30

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

Vets, you deserve my apologies

I owe vets an apology. I wrote something about the commercialisation of veterinary care a couple of weeks ago which did the vast majority of them a...

29.11.2023 4

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

Where will you spend Christmas? With your parents? Your in-laws? Your children? Why is it so complicated?

Who is going to be where and with whom over Christmas? At either end of our lives, things become simpler because the decision tends to be made for us....

16.11.2023 70

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

What have I learned after three years of dog ownership? Never trust a vet

If you want a terrifying insight into what privatised primary healthcare could look like, get a pet and find a vet. It is not just that veterinary...

15.11.2023 6

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

I am through with hugs and kisses. Handshakes are the only answer

Some scenes are so awkward to watch that they really shouldn’t be shown without a warning: “Contains appalling awkwardness.” Footage of a photo...

09.11.2023 20

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

I loved the Marina Abramović show – but the most shocking moment came in the giftshop

My mate Big Dai was in town and it was raining. We needed something to do other than what we normally do, which is either walk our dogs or sit in a...

08.11.2023 6

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

The left lane on a motorway is for the virtuous and the good. That’s why I love it

“Don’t hog the middle lane,” beseeched motorway signs all over the UK last weekend, at least on the sections of the M1, M42, M5 and M40 I had...

02.11.2023 8

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

How did I spend Halloween? With an incredible group of nuns

What’s Halloween all about? Warding off evil? Embracing evil? Laughing in the face of evil? Either way, with evil in the air in some shape or form,...

01.11.2023 10

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

Why are young people all growing mullets? I’ve been inspired by a much better hairstyle

I could see there was something significant going on with this lad’s hair. Max, 13, had plainly gone to some trouble with it. His mum and dad, old...

26.10.2023 4

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

How on earth are you supposed to review a parking space?

My friend drove from Leeds to Wrexham to watch his football team play. For most of his life, before a couple of likable Hollywood actors bought his...

25.10.2023 5

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

Save our school trips! Even if they don’t teach you much, they leave such happy memories

One day in 1973, holding my first best friend’s hand, we went on our first school trip. It was to Harvington Hall in Worcestershire, an Elizabethan...

19.10.2023 30

The Guardian

Adrian Chiles

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