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Steven StosnyPsychology Today |
When feelings, attitudes, and values go together, life is better.
We either control relationship dynamics, or they control us.
We can't improve structure without improving the agency.
It’s hard to know what you want when focused on what you don’t want.
The way you experience love depends on what it feels like to be you.
Overemphasis on the former can ruin the latter.
Believe it or not, we can make our partners less selfish.
Do you try to negotiate, persuade, manipulate, or coerce?
You don’t have to go back to square one.
Choosing to act on just one or the other fails in the long run.
To like yourself better, be kind.
Just understanding them increases hope and meaning.
Without meaning and purpose, burnout is inevitable—at work or in relationships.
When we have to reflect on well-being, it’s sometimes too little, too late.
Fooling ourselves is easy but costly.
Humans did not evolve an internal punishment system.
The path to success is lined with many small mistakes and a few big ones.
To put out the fire, we need to turn off the gas.
The use of labels in a complex, high-stress world furthers cultural divisions.
The only way to change a bad habit is to replace it with a good one.
These must play in harmony for love to thrive.
These are linked emotions and interactive processes.
First, change the childhood echo, “It hurts when I try to love.”
Don’t fear a better life.
Evict all squatters.
Coping doesn’t come easy for kids.
It’s as hard as it is necessary to maintain humane values amid torrents of hate.
It’s not easy, but it will transform your relationship and your life.
Understanding the latter can illuminate the former in love and politics.
Use uncertainty as motivation to learn about yourself and the world.
We all walk it occasionally, though most don’t go far.
Tenuous social contacts make us aware of a usually unconscious vulnerability.
The habits we form in response to pain profoundly influence our lives.
You’ll feel misunderstood if they don’t match.
Hope and value go together.
A simple, biologically based process keeps us connected.
The threat of resentment isn’t just what you see.
Feeling anger takes a few minutes; justifying it takes a lifetime.
The brain’s penchant for forming conditioned responses can aid healing.
It may be more physiological than psychological.
Victim Identity won’t protect you.
Internalizing a sense of self-value protects you from dysfunctional partners.